Beginning the backstory to characters in the novel

I haven't added for awhile.  Some who have read it wanted to know more about people in the story, so we'll start with:

Kathleen Marie McLaughlin McHane- Ireland/United States


“Sure the clouds lifted and the sun shone again on Ireland the day you were born.”

That’s what me grandfather told me almost every day of me life from the time I was a wee babe until the day he died.  And sure it was true as me grandfather never lied.  He may have stretched the truth a bit but you could be sure everything he said was the God’s gospel.

I was born on an April morning in 1849 on the eastern side of the Emerald Isle.  Me family…now listen to me slippin into the brogue that I had though I had lost 20 years ago.  I’ll be for trying to not do that here.
I feel somehow that it is important that someone may read this someday.  As for sure, I I’ll no be remembered by anyone after I’m gone.

We had a small mill on the river that made flour.  It was in our family for three generations.  My grandfather,  Killdare Shaunessy ran the mill.  He had a son and three daughters, of which my mother, Margaret,  was one.  She fell in love with a McLaughlin boy and married in 1845.  I was the last of four children; two sisters and a brother. 

It was a hard time.  In 1845 the great blight wiped out most the potato crop and so many people left.  We stayed, my grandfather and uncle determined to keep the mill. Wheat was not effected by the blight, but so many had planted only potatoes in those days.  Many years the family went with little but survived.  It was about when I was born that the country started to recover.  Thus and therefore, my grandfather’s declaration that the clouds lifted and the sun shone again. And it was gospel, ask my grandfather.

But we never prospered/  It was a hand to mouth existence.  My pop died the year after I was born.  My only brother soon after.  My mother had given up and wilted away as we watched.  When she went to be with my father, my grandfather raised us two girls.  My brother was sent off to live an uncle we never knew.  We went to the school in the village and  by the time I was 14 and my sister 13,  we could manage the mill by keeping books and correspondence for him.

My sister found a man in the area to marry when she was 15 but I stayed and helped my grandfather.

“Kathleen, someday you will have to marry and have children.  You need a man to run this mill and I won’t be around forever, you know.” 

I looked up at him from the books.  Once again, we would just hang on for the year.  There was little left after paying all the bills and taxes would take that.  Like many of the families here, bankruptcy was looming ahead.

“Grandfather,” I sighed as I dropped the pen on the desk.  “I have no time nor inclination to look for a man.  I have enough to care for with you.” 

“Aye,” he said as he stared out the window to open meadow, “that you do.  But you are young“ he smiled to himself, “…and pretty…you remind me so much of your grandmother at your age…you need a man.  Someone who can care for you.  Someone to give you babies and keep you safe and warm.”

“I don’t have the time for babies and one man is enough for me to care for at this time.  And you‘ll be it” I smiled at him.  I could see he was worried.  I had watched a tall strapping man fade before my eyes in the last two years.  For 17 years that I had known him, he worked tirelessly to provide for his family.  We had plenty of flour from the mill and with the cow and the eggs from the chickens we had added a small bakery business on the side.  It was with that we supplied the large English estate in the area.

Like most the Irish folk, we were under the eye of the English Lord who held title to this land.  We paid him taxes to maintain his lavish lifestyle.  We supplied the manor with breads and cakes when possible.  But we never got ahead.

Not that I had not had my chances for a husband. Truth be told, for I was my grandfather’s granddaughter and always told the truth…when possible…,the youngest son of the Lord of the Manor had his cap set on me.  Well maybe not as a wife, now mind you.  After all I wasn’t born to the aristocracy.  I was nothing more than a miller’s child.   No, he thought more as his mistress of the manor.  The one he would come to for succor and warmth when his high born wife wasn’t of the mood.  As such, I would live well in the manor.  Maybe as the nurse to his children from the pinched nosed woman he would marry.  Someday.

No, that wasn’t for me.  I was a  Shaunessey. Although via a McLaughlin after all.  Strong, fair of face, pale haired and blue eyed.   A true Gaelic daughter of the land.  Warrior stock and proud.  And, if things didn’t change soon, broke and homeless.

Besides, the Lord was Protestant and we were dyed in the wool Catholics.  And I’d not be for converting to a pagan religion like the Church of England.  Not, THAT religion anyway.  Aye, there were witches in our line, but now we were beholding to the Pope.

One thing about the English though was they did have a woman in charge.  Dour though she was.  And short.  And round as a pumpkin.  But, still a woman.  And the empire was growing and flourishing.  Yet, once again, I digress.  I was not to become no Protestant Lord’s secret little consort.

I looked at Grandfather again.  He was lost in thought as he puffed his clay pipe.

“Must you do that in this room, Grandfather?” I asked.

“Do what?” he spoke to the window, not even turning.

“Smoke that pipe.” I stated and went back to the books I was working on.

“It’s my house, I’ll smoke where I want.” he mumbled.

“Aye,” I said, “you do.”

“Kathleen,” he finally turned toward me, “Why don’t you take that Governess position at the manor?  You’re educated.  You could be well cared for.  Plenty of food.  No drafts in the winter.  Not like this.”

“Because, I have you.” I said flatly, “and you need me here.  You’ve got no one else since Margret has gone.”  I stood and walked over to him, wrapping my arms about him from the back. “I need to take care of you because you cannot do it yourself.”

“I won’t be around forever.” he whispered.

“Don’t say that.” I chided him, “You’ll be here for years to come.  We’ll be making this the best mill in the county.  Maybe all of Ireland.”

“That’s why you need a husband.” he told me, “You need a man.”

“Like I need another hole in my head.” I replied.

“If you don’t want a man, then go work for the manor.” he said strongly, “I canna be here forever.”

I stopped and thought.  He wasn’t telling me something.

“What are you saying, Grandfather?” I asked, my voice quivering a bit now.

“Your Grandmother has come to me in dreams of late.” he said as he slowly sat on the chair by the window.  “I’m old child.  Your sister’s well provided for now.  There is no one else and you canna run this mill alone.”

“I can!” I stomped my foot on the hardwood floor, “And I will!”

His face broke into a large grin.  “I believe you can.” he smiled.” a more hard headed child I have never met.  From the day you were born…”

“Aye, I know.” I finished his sentence “the clouds broke and the sun shone. “

He laughed then. 

“Yes, the sun shone…and the world was right.”



II

Life went on for awhile then.  Grandfather seemed to age quickly.  He would get tired while loading and unloading grains.  Money became tighter.

I supplemented what I could by baking for the Lord and the manor of the area.  It wasn’t much but it helped.  I could get the flour at a lower price and that made the profit more.  But times were still hard.  So many had left to seek fortunes in America and Canada.   The British had raised the taxes and each year more and more people lost their lands and houses.  We were close.

And it was on one fine spring day I was visiting the manor with fresh breads, that William, the fourth son of the manor , pulled me aside.

“How are you doing, Kathleen?” he queried.

“I am doing fine, M’lord” I said to him with no shyness at all.  After all I had known William for most of my life.  We were of about the same age.  The difference was he was of the manor born and I was a mill keep’s daughter. “Why the sudden interest, Will?”

“You know I am quite fond of you, Kathleen.” he replied, “And I just wish you to be safe and happy.”

“I am happy.” I responded, “I am very happy in the village.”

“Come live here.” he said softly, “Come live in this house.”

I started to giggle.  “House” he said.   Why, the kitchen alone was twice the size of Grandfather’s cottage.

“Are you asking to make an honest woman of me?” I smiled.

“Is that what it would take?” he responded.

“That and converting to being a Catholic.” I told him.

“You know I can’t do that.” his face dropped.

“Then ya don’t love me.”

“I do,” he turned and walked a few steps away. “Why don’t you become Protestant?”

“Because I’m Irish.  And proud of it.”

“Pride my lass, is not something a woman should exhibit.”

I could feel the color rush to my cheeks.

“It is exactly what this woman will exhibit.” I walked to the window and looked out over the lea and the green rolling hills.  It was a grand place.  Ostentatious maybe.  But it was grand.

William had three brothers and English law stated the eldest would inherit the land and title.   There was little way that William would come to own this.   And marrying a Catholic would make that even less likely and could get him thrown out of the manor.  Not that he would ever starve I’m sure.  He was educated and of lineage.  He could easily become a barrister.  Likely he would become something that would lead to being a lifelong politician, in powdered wig,  with little more to do than sit in chambers somewhere.

And yet he wasn’t hard on the eyes at all.  In fact, he was rather handsome and many an English Duke’s daughter had their eye on him.  He could ascend  that way to being a Lord.  Then he would have title and land…and a wife.  That, I am afraid was how I saw me in his life, not as a wife but as his side piece.  It was acceptable for the aristocracy to do that.  And there would be many a bastard child in the servants quarters. 

No, that wasn’t for me.  I may not become a Princess but I would fit the part. When we were children I had told him that,  He never forgot it.

“Even Princesses hold their tongue.” he told me sternly.

“Your Queen doesn’t.” I responded, “She has her consort.”

He laughed loudly.

“I swear Kathleen you are the most stubborn and hard headed woman I know.” he reached for me and pulled me closer. “I would almost give this all up for you.

“Almost isn’t enough, William.” I pushed him away, “If you really love me, you would give it up.”

“That’s the stuff of fairytales.  In reality, things don’t work that way.”

“True love does.” I replied, “True love knows no barriers.”  I moved further from him. “You don’t love me, William, you are infatuated with me.  I am nothing more to you than a filly that you can break and stable.  It’s not love, William, it’s wanting something you don’t have.  You will never have.”

“I can take what I want.”  he pulled me to him again.

“Let me go, William.” I struggled to get loose.

“No.” was his simple response. “You can fight all you want.  I am offering to you to do this simply.  You will never want.  You will be warm and safe here.  All you have to do is agree to be with me.”

“As your wife?” I stared at him intently, still trying to pull away.

“If you renounce that church”

“I can’t do that.” I pushed against him again. 

“Then as my mistress.”

“And live the life of your personal whore?  Degrade myself and sell myself for profit?”

“For survival.” he pointed out, “It wouldn’t be bad.  You could be the Governess or Lady’s maid.” he added quickly.

“Me?  A Lady’s maid?  To your wife no doubt.?” 

“Of course to my…”he stopped, his face going slack.

“Well?  Be for finishing the thought.” I demanded.  “For surely I would not be the wife.”

“I offered.” he said angrily.

“You offered under conditions.” I yelled back.  “What is it you want, William?  What is it you really want of me?”

“I want you, Kathleen.” he stated

“No,” I said trying to get past him, “No, you don’t”  I pulled again.  He held my arm tighter.  I took a swing at him and he caught my other wrist.

“Let me go, William.” I hissed with a whisper.” Ye’ll  not be takin’ what you want against me will.”  My brogue thick now.

“Kathleen,” he sighed, “I don’t know what you think I am but I would never take you against your will.”  He let me go and I staggered back a step.  “I do love you.”

“Then you would change for me.”

“I can’t do that and you know it.” he turned away from me.

“Then,” I said, “I’ll be going M’lord.”

He nodded.

I started toward the door when he added softly.

“Kathleen,   You’ll be losing the mill in a week.  Taxes were due and I delayed as long as I could.  But now…”

“You will be taking away what little I got.” I finished for him.

“I don’t want to.  But I have no choice.  The Crown wants us to pay.  It’s the way of life.”

“You could give me more time.” I sighed.  “The end of the season.  I can pay then.”

“No.” was all he said

“Is this your revenge?” I asked.  “If I gave you my body, would you change your mind?  If that’s what it takes I’ll…”

“Don’t finish that,” he trembled.  “That isn’t what I want.  I have no control over this.  I am the fourth son.  Thadeus makes the decisions.  He has already made this one.”

Once again he walked toward me.  As he did, I stood frozen.  He could take me if he wanted.  He could take me and the mill and no one would fault him.

“I wish you could see that I do love you.  I have since we were children.  I dreamed you would be my wife.  That we would grow old together.” he held his hands out to me.  “But I can’t”

“Yes you can, William.” I replied.  “You can give this up.  I am sure they will give you money and we can go somewhere.  Anywhere.”

“If only it were that easy.” he took a step closer.  “But you and I both know it isn’t. “

“Then, M’lord,  I ask your leave.”

“Go.” he said, “And God speed my lovely Kathleen.  I hope you find what you seek.”  He gently lifted my hand and kissed the back.  “Because, you deserve everything in this world to make you happy.”

I again turned to walk away.

“Tell me where you will go, please.”

I stopped.  I had not considered this.  Where would I go?  For some unexplained reason I said “North, North to the coast.”  He walked over to a table in the room and took out some money.

“Here then,” he handed it to me, “Go in peace.  This should pay your fare there.  Maybe a bit to live on once you get there.  Is there a reason you’re going there?”

I thought for a second.  I had had this strange drawing to the North.  A compulsion, like it was where I needed to be.  Up until now, I had ignored it.  Put is aside with working the mill caring for my Grandfather.  But now…now,  that I had nothing to hold me here, it as where I felt I needed to go.

I had dreamed of a place, a rocky area where the cliffs fell to the sea.  Where sheep and cows roamed.  Where the breeze off the sea both chilled you and made you feel warm.  A place I had never seen before was strong and clear in my mind.  It was there I was supposed to be.  And I didn’t know why.  For a moment I even considered that even if William had consented to give this all up, I would have found another excuse to leave this place for that coast.


I took the money and turned away, walking as fast as I could to the front door.  Behind me I heard his voice.

“Go with God, Kathleen.  Find what you seek.  Be happy.  This is all I ask.” he called out “And remember me.  I will be here waiting if you need.”

Part10

 

Part X

69b

 

Sundays were my favorite day.  We would sit at the table eating a light breakfast, usually toast, fruit, yogurt and coffee, while reading the paper.  We would divide it up between us.  He would always take the business section, the comics and world news.  I would take the ads and the local.  When either of us found something interesting the other would slide over and read it over their shoulder.  This allowed us a certain amount of contact, thigh to thigh, side to side…hand on hand. 

There was little talk but we looked at each other frequently.  He was handsome and I thought to myself, that I was the luckiest girl in the world.  I was living a fairytale I had never dreamed before. 

Not that we didn’t argue sometimes.  We each had quirks the other tolerated.  But it seemed that we never lost the spark.  The light that tells you, you have found “the one”.  This was who we were, not who we had to show the world most the time.  Like the perfect fit.

The universe seemed to know what it was doing.  Making two people who, life after life, always found the other, always loved the other.  There weren’t many men who could see past who I used to be and just see who I am.  Who could live in the now, not caring about the errors or trials of the past. 

I could see the love in his eyes every time he would look up from the paper.  A small smile would come to his lips and his eyes would sparkle.  I would smile back and then feel suddenly embarrassed.  How could he stir me every time I saw him?  Most people go through the initial excitement early in the relationship and then things fall.  Like when you get a new car and the smell and the feel is perfect but after awhile, squeaks and   rattles show up.  We didn’t mind the squeaks and rattles.

Sunday afternoons were ours too.  We tried to never schedule anything that would take us apart or cause us to share.  Museums, theaters, concerts in the park.  I noticed fewer and fewer people staring.  Or maybe I just didn’t see others around us.

Sometimes though we had commitments, family holidays, out of town guests.  The disruption felt odd but we both knew it was temporary and we would have little signals that told the other that even though our time was being shared with others, it was our time.

That smile, the twinkle in his eyes.  It made my life seem worthwhile.  The trials and tribulations getting here were just turns and twists in a road to all this.  The only real regret was that it took us more than half our lives to get to this intersection.

Sunday evenings were bitter sweet though.  We knew the next day we would have to give ourselves to others.  That in order to have the Sundays, we had to pay the other days.  But it was okay.  We knew that Sunday would always come.  It was one of those Sundays that Trey made a proposition.

“Princess, would you be very sad if I asked you to quit your job?”

“We need the money.” I reminded him.

“No we don’t.” he looked over my shoulder to back yard. “The company is doing well.  We have plenty of money in the bank.”

“I suppose I could.” I snuggled into him, “But why did you think of this?”

“I worry when you’re gone.”

“I’m fine.  You know where I am.  I call you everyday.  There are always texts and email.”

“Be honest, you worry when I’m gone too.”

“I do,” I said seriously, “remember how you almost left me in Colorado?”

“Well, lately, I’m afraid something would happen that would change all this.” A small tear came to his eye, one of the very few times I ever saw that.

“OK.” I said, “I‘ll quit tomorrow.”

“Maybe just give a year’s notice.” He smiled, “I know you love your work and that way maybe you can ease out slowly.”

“My boss won’t be happy”

“Your boss takes you for granted.”

“Yes I suppose he does.” I laughed.  “But I helped build the company.”

“I know.  But there’s this nagging feeling.” He mused, “And I know that we don’t have forever…”

“We don’t?” I teased, “That shoots my plans.”

“No, we don’t.” he said seriously, “And I want to use every minute we do have.”

“Alright,” I said, “You sold the Pinto on my feeling.  I will quit…”

“Ease out..”

“OK Ease out, for you.” I laughed, “I will get fat though lying around the house eating Bon Bons.”

“I seriously doubt that.  You will remain perfect in my eyes.”

 

70

 

“We should have gone to New York.” Trey said as he walked into the kitchen and handed me a glass.

“Why?” I asked, “You don’t like my cooking?”

“I love your cooking…wait, you cook?”

“Very mediocre thank you very much.”

“I didn’t marry you for your culinary skills.” He kissed my neck.

“Well, if it was the money I already spent it.”

“No, it wasn’t the money.”

“I can’t clean house.  I’m not a famous actress…”

“No…but you are part of me.” He said quietly, “But we could be there watching the parade.”

“It’s 30 degrees there, why would we be freezing our asses off to watch balloons?  Besides, you can watch it on TV.” I took a sip of the drink, “ooooh, that’s good, what is it?”

“Old family recipe.” He smiled, “It’s not the balloons, it’s the whole thing.”

“It’s my cooking.” I teased him.

“Yeah, it’s your cooking” he laughed.  “You should have asked Sherrie to help.”

“I have this.” I scolded him, “It will be wonderful.”

“Well just in case, I put new batteries in the smoke detector.”

“Go watch football, your dad and Sherrie will be here soon.” I pushed him out of the kitchen.

I went back to making the dinner.  It was true I wasn’t that great of a cook but I had planned this for weeks.  It was going to be the traditional Thanksgiving meal.  Everything was set.  I had this.

I slid the turkey into the oven and took a sip of the drink.

“There, that will do it for now.” And I followed Trey to the family room.  “About 5 hours, and we’ll have a feast.” I said as I slid onto the couch next to him, pulling my feet under me. “So who’s playing?”

“Detroit and the Packers.”

“Oh….I’ll take Detroit in six.”

“What?” He looked at me in amazement.

“Detroit in six.”

“’AND’ six…it’s called a spread.” He laughed. “Do you know anything about football?”

“Of course I do…I was a shortstop.”

“OK, now I know you’re teasing.  We went to the Sugar bowl remember?” He raised his eyebrow.

“I know, I miss those panties.”

“I miss those panties too.  I didn’t even know you had them.”

“Well, they are probably still on the wall.  Should we go get them?”

“I’ll buy you new ones.”

“I will just lose those too.” I sighed,   “You know me.”

“I do.” He kissed my cheek, “So what’s for dinner?”

“The usual.  Turkey, mashed potatoes, yams in bourbon sauce, cranberries.”

“Sounds wonderful. What temperature did you set the oven to?” he asked me.

Suddenly I had a bad feeling.

“I don’t know.” I said slowly.

“You don’t know what temperature you set it at?” he looked concerned.

“No,” I said, “I don’t remember turning it on at all.” 

“Well I guess we didn’t need the batteries.”

At least it wasn’t a total loss but we did have to add an hour before dinner.  Tom Sr and Trey watched the whole game while Sherrie and I put the dinner together and set the table.

“You know you are the best thing that ever happened to him, right?” she asked as she put the silver in place.

“I know, but why did you bring that up?” I asked.

“Tom isn’t well, don’t tell Trey yet, but we may have to move somewhere drier.  I am sure the business will stay here and Trey needs someone to be with him through it all.”

“I have no intention of leaving him for as long as I live.”

“We know, but,.” She smiled, “You didn’t know him before.”

“We don’t discuss the past.” I looked at her seriously.

“OK, we won’t but he was on the edge.  Just know that.” She continued setting the table, “Then one day he said he knew what he had to do.”

I stopped and stared at her.

“Yes, that’s what we thought too.” She smiled, “but he meant he had to find you.  He knew you were somewhere and he was determined to find you.  A few weeks later he did.  It changed him, he was happy again and had a purpose.”

“OK, why is this important now?”

“Because in my awkward way,” she said seriously, “ I am trying to thank you.”

“I am very happy to be of service,” I smiled, “He saved me too you know.”

“I just want you to know, that we think the world of you and we are very happy you came into our lives.  It’s Thanksgiving, we’re supposed to say why we’re thankful right?”

“Yes…” I thought, “Yes we are.”

 

73

I looked out over the valley below.  The new snow was a blue color under the moon. The snowfall had not been marred by footprints yet. There was no wind, nothing moved outside. The stars were brighter, clearer and crisper than I had ever seen them before.  Next to me, the fire had dwindled to just a few flames and every once in a while a pop would echo through the room.

Tom Jr and Sherrie were asleep in the master suite.  Trey was in our room.  It was Christmas eve.  Well technically Christmas morning.  It was 3AM. We didn’t have a tree in the house because as Trey said “We have hundreds all around, each decorated differently, each beautiful.”

I wondered where chipmunks went in the winter.  I wondered if in his little chipmunk den he was looking out and seeing the beauty of the mountain.  His little chipmunk children curled up asleep.  I sipped my wine and drifted into remembering how, on another day, I had stood looking out a window over a different landscape.  This was so different than New York City.  Here it was quiet, no bustle, no hurry.

I felt safe here now.  I knew Trey was tucked into bed.  I didn’t dread the phone ringing. 

The light of the moon shined down onto the floor.  It was like a spotlight.  I could see my shadow off to my side, long narrow, looking every bit like a woman.  Looking like I imagined I looked for years.  My life was where I had prayed it would be.

“’The closest thing to Heaven on this planet anywhere, is quiet a Christmas morning in the Colorado snow’. I could wake up to this forever.” Trey’s voice said quietly behind me.

“You don’t have a choice.” I told him without looking around.

“I know,” he moved close to me, looking over my shoulder at the scene outside, “And I don’t want one.  This is the only present I want and the only one I need.  Like a rare diamond.”

“A diamond you’ve polished from a lump of hard rock coal.”

“No, a diamond that just needed to be exposed to the world.” He kissed my neck. “A diamond worthy of Tiffany’s.”

“Oh, back to the Audrey Hepburn analogies?  Will you keep me in a little blue box?” I smiled and tilted my head.

“If I could.” He nuzzled me, “But you must be seen by the world.  Admired.  Lusted after.”

“I can feel your lust poking my hip.”

“Santa won’t come if you two don’t go bed!” Tom Jr’s voice called out.

“Yes, father.” Trey replied, “He’s already brought me my present.”

71

Trey walked in with a grocery bag.  I took out the contents.  One thing was a coconut.

“What’s this for?” I asked.

 “Thought you could make a bra out of it.”

“Well, couldn’t you find one a bit larger?”  I asked holding it to my chest, “You want me in a coconut bra?  And here I always thought you liked Mary Ann better. No bra, shirt tied at the navel.”

“OK, go put on some cutoffs.” He joked, “you don’t think the coconut is large enough?”

“For a tropical drink maybe or making horse clip clopping noises.“ I held it up again, “Honey I know I am not very big but…” I compared it to my chest.

“Damn and it isn’t returnable.” He sighed, “We will just have to go get another.”

“The store isn’t that far, you sound like it would be a journey.”

“Well the ones at the store were all sort of this size.  How about we go find one on the beach.”

I looked at him skeptically, “what beach?”

“I dunno, how does Truk sound?”

“umm…vroom vroom?” I asked

“No the island of Truk”

“Never heard of it.”

“It was a major Japanese base in WWII.” He told me, “They need money to build and one of my clients is interested.”

“Do they have hotels?  Shops?  Restaurants?”

“Very few and they may be a little rustic.”

“As long as the showers are in the room.”

“They do, I checked.” He giggled, “And air-conditioning.  We can SCUBA.”

“I freak out if I can’t breathe.”

“You’ll have air.” He said seriously.

“I can’t breathe through those things.  You can go, I’ll watch for sharks.”

“Aw, I wanted you in a wetsuit.”

“How about naked.”

“The tank would rub on your skin.”

“No, in the room afterward.”

“Deal.”

 

73

 

The Micronesia islands are beautiful.  Especially when half of the US is covered in snow in February.

The island was is disrepair though and it didn’t take long for Trey to come to the conclusion that investing here would be a good thing.  The lagoon was crystal clear but the surround area was full of ships sunk during the war.

I didn’t know where my fear of not breathing was from.  But I knew every time I tried snorkeling I would panic.  Trey enjoyed diving so, I was content to sit on the oat and sunbathe while he explored the ships.

There was a restaurant in the hotel.  Very nice and very good.  The plane off the island was every 3 days so we had to stay.  He spent hours in the water.  Often so tired that he fell asleep as soon as got into bed.

At least I knew that I wouldn’t have any flashback dreams here, since I had been in Paris in WWII.  So I slept well, snuggled into the arms of the man who loved me.

Afterward we were on the lanai.  Trey sat at one end and I lay across his lap, looking up at him, my legs dangling over the arm.

“We should buy one of these,” I mused.

“A loveseat?  Go ahead, we’ll put it on the veranda.” He replied.

“No,” I looked up at him, “An island.”

“As much as we are spending on this one, I think we did buy it.”

“How much did we spend?” I looked at him with a furrowed brow.

“About eight million.”

“Dollars?”

“No, silly sea shells.  Of course dollars.”

“We have eight million dollars?”

“The company does.  We have investors remember?”

“Oh, yeah…I forget we aren’t that rich huh?”

“So why would we need an island?”

“We could lie on the beach all day, drink rum, get tanned.”

“Sort of like what you do at home except by the pool.”

“Yeah, but this would be our island, no one else could be there.”

“And you would be the Princess.”

“Of course.”

“Why do we need an island? That’s what you have now.”

I pouted, “OH OK, can I get a kitten?”

“You can have a kitten, but you need to feed it and water it and stay home.”

“OK,” I smiled, “I can do that.”

 

66

“You’re the biggest bitch in the world.”  Danny said to me.

“I’m a bitch?” I yelled back, “You just added the cherry to the shit sundae that was my week. And I’m the bitch?”

It was early morning and Trey and I were in the middle of a train ride to see the Northeast.  The trip would take 5 days and go from Maine to New York City. There were 3 vintage rail cars from the early 50s, when traveling by rail is what the elite did.  The cars were all Zephyr type cars of the time.  The sleek aluminum railcars, one with a “vista dome” between two business class cars.  Trey and I had a small room in the front car. 

The train had stopped for an afternoon at a small town in Vermont for lunch.  We wandered the street and did some shopping although there was no room for any antiques aboard the train to take back and shipping would be expensive.  So we limited ourselves to objects that we could carry on.  There were several cameo necklaces at one shop, and Trey was attracted to one in particular so he bought it.  After a nice lunch, we got back on on the train to continue the tour.  We settled into a seat by the window to watch the scenery go by.

“This is for you Princess.” He said as he kissed my cheek and handed me the necklace. 

“I was wondering how long before you gave it to me, I started worrying you had another girl.”

“It’s been 15 minutes…sheesh.”

“Well I am a very impatient person.”  That’s when the memory flooded my mind. Danny was my first and only attempt at having a partner pre-op.  It was a tumultuous relationship from the start.  Maybe one of my periods of desperation.   After all I lost my military career and my family in one fell swoop.

We met in a bar, not as romantic a meeting as when Trey came into my life, but sort of fairytale in its own way.  Like this time, I wasn’t looking for anything.  Yet there he was, leaning on the railing of the second level.  He had an impish smile, like a school boy who was planning trouble.  Somehow he caught my eye and I smiled up at him.  That was my first mistake.  He motioned me to come up to him and for some unknown reason I did just that.  He wasn’t handsome but he wasn’t ugly either.  He had an insidious charm about him.  Before I knew it we were wrapped around each other at a table in the corner.

For the next two months we would meet “everyday at the same café” as the song goes..  OK not “Everyday”, but two to three times a week.  That should have been the first warning flag. We never went anywhere else.  But I was young, naïve and desperately stupid.

After four months, I was getting tired of the same old thing over and over.  The week had not gone well between the medical things associated with my transition and a very bad week at work with no commission.   Money was getting tight but I needed to get out and do something, anything to break the spell.

“Hey, let’s take in a movie.” I said as we snuggled in our corner.

“Sure,” he said, “Do you have Netflix?”

I sat up and looked at him.  “You’re kidding me right?  I meant ‘let’s go to a movie’… as in a theater.  You know, seats with sticky floors a expensive popcorn?”

“Why?”

“Because I want to go out.  I want to do something different.”

“Why?” he asked looking totally confused.

“Are you that dumb?” I asked him, “We haven’t been out.  I want to go out with you in public.”

“Why?”

I was getting exasperated now. “Because I want a life.” I said.

“You have a life.” He said, “You’re with me. We go out all the time.”

“No,” I said slowly, “We come here all the time.  We have the same food all the time, we have the same drinks all the time…”

“We never have sex - anytime…” he interjected.

“What?”

“WE never have sex.” He said as a statement.

“Is that what this is about?  Not getting laid?”

“Yes.”

“How did that come about?” I asked, now very angry.

“Well, I don’t want to be seen in public with you.  People will think I’m gay. And the least you could do is blow me since you don’t have a pussy.”

My mouth fell open and I couldn’t speak.

“Yeah, like that, except you put my cock in your mouth.”

“So that’s why you date me, is so you can get a blow job?” I spat at him.  “That’s all I am to you a sex object?”

“Of course, that’s what you trannies do.”

I tried to breathe and slow my anger at him.  I had hoped that this relationship would be something more.  Instead I reached over and unzipped his pants.  He smiled at me like a cat that had some prey cornered.  I pulled him out and slowly sucked him off.  He stiffened and came in my mouth.  I sat up and smiled at him.  Then spat it all out in his face.

“What the...?”

“Was it as good for you as it was for me?” I asked daubing the last from my lips with a napkin.

“You ARE a bitch!” he stammered wiping his face. “You’re the biggest bitch in the world.”

I stood up, pulling down the hem of my too short skirt that I had worn just for him.

“I’m a bitch?” I yelled back, “You just added the cherry to the shit sundae that was my week. I hope you enjoyed it”

I walked out and went home.  I never heard from him again.

“Princess?” Trey said softly bringing me back to the train.

“Huh?” I said still distracted, “I’m sorry my mind was somewhere else.”

“I could see that.  You were getting angry and I thought maybe it was something I had done.” he said quietly.  “Are you OK?”

“Yes, my love, I’m fine now.  It was something long ago.”

“Princess,” he whispered and kissed me on the cheek, “no past remember?”

“Hard to forget it though.”

“All that matters…is it brought you to me.”

 

 

74

It was late spring again in Georgia.  The air was thick with the smell of different blossoms.  I loved the countryside.  The rolling hills and the flat areas.  The green that promised a new start. 

We had made a little clique in the club now.  The members who didn’t care who I used to be protecting me form the rest.  We had settled into a suburban groove. 

Trey did a bit of traveling but I was on the road frequently. But that was good because our product was selling well and I was making money.  The bad part was I was away from Trey far more than I wanted to be. My boss insisted on that until I was gone.

It was coming up to our third anniversary. My boss called me.

“Susie, baby.” He said when I answered.

“Chip, I’m not your baby.”

“Well you are our best sales..”

“woman.” I interjected.

“Yeah, that.” He sounded confused. “I need you there Thursday.”

“Dammit Chip, Friday is my anniversary.”

“So?  What’s that have to do with Thursday?”

“You are such an idiot.” I said exasperated.

“So anyways..Thursday.  I need you in Nashville.”

“Can’t this wait?”

“No,” he said, “Vanderbilt needs you to do a presentation. They have a bunch of hoity toity doctors coming in”

“Ok…dammit.” I said, “but you owe me.”

“I’ll get you comp days.” He said, “Then you and Trip…”

“Trey…”

“You and Trey can go to Timbuktu.”

“I may never come back. Remember 6 more months.  You need to start looking for someone else.”

“You can’t do that to me you’re my best sales…”

“Woman.”

75

 I sat straight up in bed, sweat running off me like I had just finished a marathon.  My breath came is short gasps.  Trey rolled over and looked at me.  He suddenly became wide awake.  The kitten looked at me from his place next to my legs.

“You OK, Princess?”

“I..I don’t know.” I told him, finally catching my breath.

“What happened?”

“I am not sure. There were red and blue flashing lights but I couldn’t see what was happening.  I thought before it was the Pinto.”

“It’s gone,” he assured me, “So if it was that, you can relax.”

“But this time, I didn’t see the car.   All I saw were the lights….flashing.  And voices talking to each other.”

“Honey,” he hugged me, “Don’t worry, it was just a dream.  Did you see anything that may tell us what happened?”

“No, just the lights.”

“Try and go back the sleep it’s three in the morning.” He said snuggling into me. “It was probably nothing.”

“Probably…”

78

“Here’s a card I’m sure you’ll like.” He handed it to me.  The stamp was from Ireland.  The return address was Patrick McLaughlin.  I opened it and took out a photo of two sheep and three lambs.   The note said “Your investment just went up.”

“Oh, that’s so sweet,”  I smiled, “How many sheep do we need for a herd?”

“Six. And it’s a flock”

“Then buy one more.  We need to get flocked.”

“Did you spend all day thinking that up?

“Nope,” I said, “Just came to me.”

“You need a vacation.”

“Speaking of which, I have to go to Nashville Thursday.”

“Can’t it wait?”

“No,” I sighed, “It’s important.  But I’ll drive home right after and we can spend Friday together.”

“OK, I have reservations for dinner.”

“Should be home in plenty of time…maybe even have a little extra time for…” I giggled.

“Sleep?” he finished, “Honey, you need to leave that job.  We make plenty of money..”

“YOU make plenty of money.”

“WE make…” he corrected, “It’s ours,  Equally.”

“I know but what I make helps.”

“I would rather have you here.” He admitted,

“I would rather be with you.” I told him, “Let’s go to Colorado.  Spend the summer at the cabin.  I’ll learn to cook.”

“Hmmm…you, me, a cabin in the wilderness, you cooking?” he laughed, “Sounds dangerous. I should call the Forest Service”

“Stop,” I poked him, “I can cook.”

“You burned water yesterday.”

“Scorched.  The word is scorched.”

“Honey I love you but your cooking needs something.”

“Like?”

“A chef.”

79

The cell phone on the nightstand buzzed and Trey slowly reached over and answered it.  He looked at the time.  It was 3 AM.  The kitten looked up at him then curled back to sleep.

“Hey Princess, how was your..?”

“Mr. Hughes?”

“Yes…” Trey said still half asleep

“Mr. Hughes, this is Deputy Hillyard, Rutherford county sheriff’s department.”

Trey sat up a little, “Yes?”

“Mr. Hughes there has been an accident. I am using your wife’s phone.  I’m afraid your wife was involved and we have transported her to Nashville.”

“Is she hurt badly?” he asked suddenly awake, his heart almost coming out of his chest.  The cat sat up, yawned and stared.

“Yes sir,” the deputy said, “Can you get here as soon as possible?”

“I am on my way.” He said, already climbing out of the bed, “Where is she?”

“Vanderbilt sir, they are Lifeflighting her now.”

“Thank you deputy.” he disconnected the phone and hit the autodial for the airport.

“Mickey,” he said, “This is Thomas Hughes, get the Honda ready, I’ll be there in 30 minutes.  I’ll need a flight plan to Nashville it’s very important.”

He hung up the phone and quickly got dressed.  As he was leaving his cell rang again. This time he didn’t know the caller ID.  He feared the worst.

“Trey Hughes,” he said climbing into the Cadillac.

“Mr. Hughes, this is Doctor Bennett, Vanderbilt ER.”

“Yes doctor.” His breath now getting shorter.

“We have your wife here,” Dr Bennett said, “She’s in pretty bad shape.”

“Do everything you can doctor.  I am flying in.  I should be there in about 2 hours.”

“Right now we are trying to stabilize her.” Bennett told him, “but she may need surgery.  We’ll be doing an MRI as soon as we can.”

“Thanks doctor,” Trey gasped, “I’ll be there as soon as I can. Do everything.”

“You better make that sooner, Mr. Hughes.  She’s minute to minute.  We have the best trauma surgeons in Tennessee here.  We’ll do all we can, but…”

“Thank you.  I appreciate that.” Trey hung up.  He took a deep breath and stared out the windshield into the night and spoke to the stars.  “I am on my way, Princess.  I was always frightened for us.  Remember New York?  The silly time we had quoting lines from old moves?  My life started that day.  The world was perfect.  We were perfect.  But one line kept running through my head as we stood on the Empire State building.  A line from An Affair to Remember.  I dared not say it but it has come true.  The grandmother says “I am frightened.  That life will present a bill… and he will find it hard to pay.’  That bill is here and it is impossible to pay.” 

80

I opened my eyes slowly.  I didn’t know where I was but there were flashing red and blue lights all around me.  I could hear voices.

“The guy was blitzed.” A male voice came to me, “crossed the median…hit her head on.  She didn’t have a chance.”

Another man spoke, “How’s the other driver?”

A woman this time, “DOA.”

The second man then said “Let’s get her to Nashville, call the bird in.”

I faded out again.

When I opened my eyes again, I felt like I was floating.  A man smiled down at me.

“Hang in there, we are taking you to Nashville.  Anyone we can contact?”

I couldn’t speak.  I blinked my eyes.

“Someone in your phone?”

Again I blinked yes.

The man opened my phone and looked at the contacts.

“Trey?”

Yes.

“OK I’ll call him.” He smiled and squeezed my hand. “You just stay with us ok?  We will take good care of you.  Stay with us OK?”

I blinked once more and closed my eyes again.  The world was a fog and the pain in my legs was almost unbearable but when I faded from the drugs it went away.

“Mr. Hughes?” I heard as I passed out again, “This is deputy …”

81

Trey rushed into the hospital and went to the desk.

“I’m Thomas Hughes,” he said, “My wife Susan March is here.”

“Please have a seat sir, “the woman behind the desk typed into her computer and calmly said, “I will get someone to come and get you.”

Trey moved to the seats and collapsed his head in his hands.  The dream, it wasn’t him but her who was in the dream. 

“Sir?”  Trey looked up to see a woman wearing scrubs standing next to him.

“My wife?” he asked.

“Sir, does she have a living will or other document?”

“Um…no…I mean we discussed it but never…”

“Sir,” the woman sat next to him and held his hand, “It may be something you need to consider.  She has massive internal injuries and several broken bones.  We have her heavily sedated”

“What…what happened?” he asked.

“Drunk driver sir, she was on I-24 heading south.”

“She wanted to be home for our second anniversary.  She didn’t want to stay in Nashville overnight.”

“Yes sir,” the woman continued, “The other driver crossed the median and hit her and another car.  He hit her almost head-on.”

“And how is he?”

“He died sir.”

Trey wanted to say “good” but didn’t.

 The nurse continued, “We have stabilized her and if we can get the bleeding stopped, we have a chance.”

“Can I…?”

“She is heavily sedated but yes, I think that would be a good idea.”

She led Trey to ER and to my bedside.  He gently touched my hand.  He repeated what he had said in that bar when he met me, hoping it would stir a memory.

“Beautiful women should never be alone. “he whispered. “Mind if I sit here?  My name’s Thomas Hughes…but you can call me Trey.  What’s a nice girl like you doin in a joint like this?”

A tear ran down his face.  He started again,  “So you were about to tell me your name.  It has to start with Princess I’m sure.”

He waited.

“Princess works.” He said softly. “Can I call you Princess?”

He held my hand tightly.

“Princess,” he started, “I promised I would never leave you.  I never asked you the same but right now I am begging you…don’t leave me.   Please, please don’t leave me.”

82

 I was in a cabin, one room.  In it a bed and a small table next to it.  I single kerosene lamp glowed.  Since Thomas died, I had wandered around, trying to find something I could hold on to.  Here is where I landed.  A crib prostitute with a dependence on patent medicine that had opium in it.  It was a living although I hated the smell of whiskey and unwashed men.

There was a knock at the door and a drunken man’s voice came through.

“Hey Princess…let me in.  I have money.”

It was a miner I had sent away earlier.

“where’d you get fifty cents?”  I yelled at him through the door.

“I won it at poker…come on Princess I need you.”

I opened the door and he came stumbling in.  He started laughing.

“I ain’ got money…but now I’m going to get some of you.”  He pushed me backward and threw the cotton night shirt had on over my chest.  Then he held me down while he slid the braces off his shoulders, dropped his pants and freed his penis.

“No,” I protested, “You can’t do this.”

“You really think you are a Princess, don’t you?” He whispered, spraying my face with his breath. “Well you ain’t nuthin but a whore, now open those legs.”

I reached up and scratched his face with my ragged nails.  His hands went to my throat.  The room started to turn red and blur.  I tried to get him to stop but he just kept squeezing.  I heard Thomas’ voice…”Kathleen, come with me now…I didn’t leave ye.  I was here all along…come…come walk with me again”

I quit fighting the miner and he held tight.  Soon I was in a dream, my Thomas standing on the hill holding his hand out to me…. “Kathleen, I will build you that mansion, I promise.” He said quietly.  “We will make this land grow and bloom.   We will spend our days together here.  Come let’s go home“ 

83

The alarm was screaming as Trey held my hand in the ICU.  He looked up quickly at the machines.

“Oh my God,” he yelled at the nurses, “She’s not breathing!”

Several nurses rushed in and one asked Trey to leave.  I could feel them pressing on my chest and forcing oxygen into me with the bag.  But I wanted to be with Thomas, walking over the hill to our little sod house.   

“Susan,” a voice called out and drifted through my mind…”Breathe, honey…breathe” It was Trey leaning against the doorway.  “Don’t leave me….”

In my mind I looked at the rugged Irish man holding his hand out, while behind me Trey’s voice calling me back. I stopped and looked up the hill. 

Then I took a breath.

“She’s back.” One of the nurses said.  I wanted to tell them I came back for the man who loved me… and I left the same man to come back.  But I couldn’t speak.

I felt Trey’s hand take mine, “Princess you scared the hell out of me…”  I felt a tear fall on my arm.  Then I drifted into darkness again.

84

“Mr Hughes,” the doctor told Trey, “We can’t do anything more right now.  We have to hope she wants to fight and stay here.  We will keep her sedated.  If you can in anyway get into her mind, reach her, it would help.”

“I try doctor,” he said, his face worn and streaked with tears, “But I can’t get there.”

“Don’t give up.” The doctor put his hand on Trey’s shoulder, “Love works miracles.”

85

Lyon again, eerily quiet and dull.  The life gone now.  It was 1945, summer, and the allies were marching closer and closer to the city. 

I had spent the last years since Tomas’ death working with the resistance, mostly being a courier between Lyon and Marseille.  I sat in the room above the alley.  Looking out the window, I knew why I had felt a chill when Trey and I had walked near there.  This was where I had lived.

There was a pounding on the door.

“Mademoiselle,” a man’s voice, thick with a German accent,  called, “Open up…Gestapo”

I looked out the window and thought of jumping but I was tired.  Worn out from two years of running and hiding and missing Tomas.  No, the allies would be here soon.  Maybe I could wait in whatever jail they had reserved for me.  I just didn’t want to hide anymore.  I opened the door and two men in trench coats stood there. One held a Lugar pointed at my chest.

“Mademoiselle Saunier?”  he asked.

“Yes,”   I said quietly.

“Come with us.”

I thought for a second.  I was worn out, why should I go and maybe be tortured or sent to a prison camp?

“No,” I whispered.

He thrust the gun closer to me and I grabbed it, pulling it to my chest causing him to squeeze the trigger.  There was little pain but I couldn’t breathe.  I looked at him and smiled as I collapsed to the floor.

Again the alarm went off.  I felt nothing.  Once again I was floating.  The sun was shining on my face now and the alley was warmed by its light.

I was standing in Lyon, Tomas holding his hand out to me “Come Manon, Come with me” But I knew it was a blind alley.  I stood for a moment then turned away “I’m sorry Tomas but I can’t.  Wait for me OK?”

“For you my Princess….anything, forever.” he said and faded into the sun.

The doctor was there next to me now.  “It’s a reaction to the chest trauma…keep breathing for her.”  They kept squeezing the bag and I heard the blip of the EKG as the escape beat made me gasp again. I took another breath.  “You can stop now,” the doctor said, “monitor her and let me know if she does that again.  I’ll go talk to her husband.”

Trey was waiting outside when the doctor approached.  “Mr. Hughes…,” he started.

Trey looked up and said quietly “She almost left again didn’t she.”

“Yes, sir.” The doctor said, “but she’s back.”

“She couldn’t go down that alley.”

“Excuse me?” the doctor asked confused.

“The alley, in Lyon, it was a dead-end…she couldn’t go down that alley.” He whispered.

“Have you slept at all sir?…why don’t you lie down and try and rest.  We can’t do anything more than wait.”

“Yes,” Trey sighed, “That’s all we can do.  Because she is in this life now.  No past.  She has to decide now if she will stay with me.”  He lay down across three chairs.  “It’s up to you, Princess…I’m here, I won’t leave you…but it’s up to you.  If you have to leave, I will find you again.  At 5 o’clock in six months.  You know where”

I looked across the water to the island.  The moon shone down on me and the breeze was cool.  Ireland was a beautiful yet stern place.  It was chilly and I shuddered in the night, pulling my shawl around me.

“Please understand Thomas,” I said to the wind, “I don’t know if I can stay or not.  But if I go, know, in your heart it wasn’t what I wanted.  It was destiny.

“You said you would never leave me and here it is I who is leaving you.  But find me again.  You always do.  Come and find me Thomas.  I will be waiting wherever it is, waiting for you.  No past, only the present.  I never made the promise to you but even if I never said it, I would never leave you if I had a choice.

“But we don’t control our destiny.  It is written long before us. We don’t control love either, that is far beyond us.  Our time together seems always too short. 

“Come find me, Thomas.  I will be waiting I promise that.  I promise that with all my heart.”

X1

“You know you have a choice.” The voice said

“No, I don’t” I answered.

“Yes you do.  You can walk away now.” It was Tomas. “Until you cross the line, you can go back.  You can stay.”

“But...but you crossed the line.”

“Yes, I did.”

“So you expect me to cross?”

“You have the choice.”

“You chose to cross.  You left me.”

“I did.  But things were different.”

“How so?” I asked angrily.

“There was a war.” He said, “It was more complicated. People would die.”

“I… died dammit.” I yelled at him.

“Yes,” he sighed, “yes I know.  But more would have died.” He looked down and stared at me. “I had the choice too.”

“And you chose to leave me.”

“I did.”

“And what about Thomas?”

His voice came from behind me, “I made the choice then too.  What you don’t know was, there was a child.  If they had saved me, the child would have drowned.  If I had decided to stay, the child would have died.”

“What?”

“They didn’t tell you.  They tried but you were overcome and you wouldn’t listen.”

“You…left…me…twice.”

“I did.” He said quietly. “and you can leave me now.  It is your choice.”

“You left me and now you want me to go back?”

“It’s your choice.” He told me, “You can stay or you can go.  Either way, we will be together again.  Now or in 100…200 years.”

“What’s time when you’re dead?”  I said angrily.

“It is an eternity.” He explained. “Why do you think I, Trey,  found you in that bar?  I could not wait any longer.”

“But you found me.”

“You don’t know but we are one.  We are of one energy and that energy seeks the same energy.”

“So I should go back?”

“That is your decision.”

“Dammit Tomas, help me!”

“Trey would be an empty shell without you.” he noted.

“So I should go back?” I started to cry.

“It is up to you….”

The valley was awash with moonlight.  Far off the lights of the village below glimmered.

“That is the most beautiful thing in the world.” A voice behind me said.

“It is the moon, the lights.”

“No,” he said standing behind me, “You.”  He put his arms around me and kissed my neck.

“Mr. Hughes,” I giggled, “You make me blush.”  I walked over to the couch leaning on the cane on my right side.  I sat down and patted the cushion next to me.” Come…sit.”

He walked over and sat down by me, turning to half face me.  He was tired I could tell.  His face aged over the last six months.

He stared into my eyes, “You know I could not live without you.  I don’t know what I would have done.”

I thought back to the hospital the days after the accident.  Both legs had been broken and my face was scratched and swollen, but otherwise things had stabilized. I opened my eyes and tried to focus.  The room could be any of the hotels Trey and I had stayed in.  Except when I turned my head to the left there was an EKG monitor and an IV stand.

“Hello, Princess.” Trey’s voice called from my right.  He had been there the whole week.  I don’t know if had eaten or slept at all.  He looked 10 years older.  He had a beard. “I knew you wouldn’t leave me.  I knew you would come back…I prayed you would come back.”

My first attempt to speak came out as a squeak.  He held a glass of lukewarm water to my lips.

“Just sip.” He cautioned.  I took a sip and could feel my throat relax.

“How?”

“About six days.  Happy belated anniversary by the way.”  He leaned down and kissed my head. “You will be here awhile, I’m afraid.”

“Don’t…be…afraid.” I whispered. “Not going…anywhere.”

“No you aren’t.” he smiled, “maybe we can go to Montana when you are feeling better.  I have a buddy with a cabin up there.  He said we could use it all winter.”

“No…Go…south.” I gasped out, “Hate..snow…prefer…bikini”

I could see Trey’s eyes fill with tears.  “I prefer you in a bikini too.  Let’s go to Mexico then.”

“That works.” I said. “Sleep now.”

“I will let you go to sleep.”

“No, YOU sleep..now.”  I said, “I’m fine…go..rest.”

“I can sleep later.” He looked at me seriously, “I said I would never leave you.”

“You can’t be with me…24 hours a day.”

“I can and I will be.”

“That’s silly.” I told him, “you need rest.  And shave that damn beard off…you’ll chap my thighs.”

Bikinis weren’t going to be on my list any time soon.  Both legs had erector sets on them.  I wasn’t a pretty sight.

I made Trey leave me alone for a few hours every day so he could tend to the business.  It wouldn’t do us any good to go broke over this.  The other driver’s insurance came and offered us a settlement.  Trey’s lawyer declined it emphatically.

I looked at the flowers in the room.  Large bouquets, all beautiful.  I had Trey read me the cards.

“This is from my dad.” He said “ He wrote ‘you made our life complete, we can’t wait for you to get home’.”

“That’s sweet.” I said.  I was now sitting up but they wouldn’t allow me food yet.

“You’ll love this one…” he said taking out the card, “Its from Tiff and Ron.”

“Oh God, does it say don’t come back?”

“No,” he said slowly, “It says “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?”

“It’s signed “Tiff”.”

“Well good things come when you don’t expect them.”

But we went to Colorado.  I could walk well but not totally back to normal yet.  The cane was my security blanket.  The chipmunk had three chipettes now and every day I would sit out on the rock and feed them.  Trey handled his business via the internet and phone but I could tell he was getting restless.

“Remember New York?”  He asked me.

“Very vividly, Howard.” I said

“Very funny,” he smiled, “Not that part, the part on the Empire State building.”

“Oh God , “ looked at him, “You aren’t doing your Cary Grant imitation again.”

He slipped into it anyway. “Judy you can’t leave a man like this, it isn’t fair and it isn’t right...”

“Sorry I mentioned it.” I moaned, rolling my eyes in mock exasperation.

“No,” he said, “Seriously, remember the movie?”

“King Kong?”

“C’mon,” he looked at me sternly, “I’m trying to make a point.”

“OK,” I said, “Go ahead.”

“Well,” he started,” I was thinking...”

“That I’ll never walk normally again?” I asked.

“No…I mean…”

“And if I don’t?”

“It won’t matter.” He said. “I was thinking though, let’s set a date.  Six months from now.  Top of the Empire State building, midnight.”

“I’ll be there,” I said, “You better be…”

80

We walked into the Park Lane hotel.  I had packed a bikini but March in New York wasn’t where you could lay by the pool.  The scarring however was minimal.  No, I would have to save it for the Mexico trip on our next anniversary.

It was nine months after the accident.  I had quit my job.  I couldn’t travel anymore.  It scared me to drive.  The office had offered an “inside” work from home position, but I opted out.  I just wanted to be Mrs. Trey Hughes, Bad cook.

I did go with him when he went to the club sometimes but my tennis days were behind me for now.  I was determined to play again though.  Tiff would go to lunch with me and slowly allowed that I wasn’t a freak. 

Trey held my arm as we walked.

“Be careful of the floor, honey,” he cautioned, “It is so slick you can see yourself.”

“I know, that’s why I don’t have panties on.” I teased him.

“Yes you do, Hot pink just like our first weekend,”

“You peeked?”

“Honey, I watch you like a hawk.” He told me.

“That’s kinda creepy isn’t it?”

“I want to be there if you need me.”

“Trey, I need you, all day and everyday.” I told him.  “But watching me dress?”

“That’s a perk of the job.” He smiled, “Now…” he spoke to the desk clerk ““Hughes, two, view of the park.”

“Let me check.” The man told him, “Single room suite overlooking the park.”

I looked at Trey who just smiled at me.

“So no separate bedrooms huh?” I asked him.

“Never.” He replied. “Never again.”