Beginning the backstory to characters in the novel

I haven't added for awhile.  Some who have read it wanted to know more about people in the story, so we'll start with:

Kathleen Marie McLaughlin McHane- Ireland/United States


“Sure the clouds lifted and the sun shone again on Ireland the day you were born.”

That’s what me grandfather told me almost every day of me life from the time I was a wee babe until the day he died.  And sure it was true as me grandfather never lied.  He may have stretched the truth a bit but you could be sure everything he said was the God’s gospel.

I was born on an April morning in 1849 on the eastern side of the Emerald Isle.  Me family…now listen to me slippin into the brogue that I had though I had lost 20 years ago.  I’ll be for trying to not do that here.
I feel somehow that it is important that someone may read this someday.  As for sure, I I’ll no be remembered by anyone after I’m gone.

We had a small mill on the river that made flour.  It was in our family for three generations.  My grandfather,  Killdare Shaunessy ran the mill.  He had a son and three daughters, of which my mother, Margaret,  was one.  She fell in love with a McLaughlin boy and married in 1845.  I was the last of four children; two sisters and a brother. 

It was a hard time.  In 1845 the great blight wiped out most the potato crop and so many people left.  We stayed, my grandfather and uncle determined to keep the mill. Wheat was not effected by the blight, but so many had planted only potatoes in those days.  Many years the family went with little but survived.  It was about when I was born that the country started to recover.  Thus and therefore, my grandfather’s declaration that the clouds lifted and the sun shone again. And it was gospel, ask my grandfather.

But we never prospered/  It was a hand to mouth existence.  My pop died the year after I was born.  My only brother soon after.  My mother had given up and wilted away as we watched.  When she went to be with my father, my grandfather raised us two girls.  My brother was sent off to live an uncle we never knew.  We went to the school in the village and  by the time I was 14 and my sister 13,  we could manage the mill by keeping books and correspondence for him.

My sister found a man in the area to marry when she was 15 but I stayed and helped my grandfather.

“Kathleen, someday you will have to marry and have children.  You need a man to run this mill and I won’t be around forever, you know.” 

I looked up at him from the books.  Once again, we would just hang on for the year.  There was little left after paying all the bills and taxes would take that.  Like many of the families here, bankruptcy was looming ahead.

“Grandfather,” I sighed as I dropped the pen on the desk.  “I have no time nor inclination to look for a man.  I have enough to care for with you.” 

“Aye,” he said as he stared out the window to open meadow, “that you do.  But you are young“ he smiled to himself, “…and pretty…you remind me so much of your grandmother at your age…you need a man.  Someone who can care for you.  Someone to give you babies and keep you safe and warm.”

“I don’t have the time for babies and one man is enough for me to care for at this time.  And you‘ll be it” I smiled at him.  I could see he was worried.  I had watched a tall strapping man fade before my eyes in the last two years.  For 17 years that I had known him, he worked tirelessly to provide for his family.  We had plenty of flour from the mill and with the cow and the eggs from the chickens we had added a small bakery business on the side.  It was with that we supplied the large English estate in the area.

Like most the Irish folk, we were under the eye of the English Lord who held title to this land.  We paid him taxes to maintain his lavish lifestyle.  We supplied the manor with breads and cakes when possible.  But we never got ahead.

Not that I had not had my chances for a husband. Truth be told, for I was my grandfather’s granddaughter and always told the truth…when possible…,the youngest son of the Lord of the Manor had his cap set on me.  Well maybe not as a wife, now mind you.  After all I wasn’t born to the aristocracy.  I was nothing more than a miller’s child.   No, he thought more as his mistress of the manor.  The one he would come to for succor and warmth when his high born wife wasn’t of the mood.  As such, I would live well in the manor.  Maybe as the nurse to his children from the pinched nosed woman he would marry.  Someday.

No, that wasn’t for me.  I was a  Shaunessey. Although via a McLaughlin after all.  Strong, fair of face, pale haired and blue eyed.   A true Gaelic daughter of the land.  Warrior stock and proud.  And, if things didn’t change soon, broke and homeless.

Besides, the Lord was Protestant and we were dyed in the wool Catholics.  And I’d not be for converting to a pagan religion like the Church of England.  Not, THAT religion anyway.  Aye, there were witches in our line, but now we were beholding to the Pope.

One thing about the English though was they did have a woman in charge.  Dour though she was.  And short.  And round as a pumpkin.  But, still a woman.  And the empire was growing and flourishing.  Yet, once again, I digress.  I was not to become no Protestant Lord’s secret little consort.

I looked at Grandfather again.  He was lost in thought as he puffed his clay pipe.

“Must you do that in this room, Grandfather?” I asked.

“Do what?” he spoke to the window, not even turning.

“Smoke that pipe.” I stated and went back to the books I was working on.

“It’s my house, I’ll smoke where I want.” he mumbled.

“Aye,” I said, “you do.”

“Kathleen,” he finally turned toward me, “Why don’t you take that Governess position at the manor?  You’re educated.  You could be well cared for.  Plenty of food.  No drafts in the winter.  Not like this.”

“Because, I have you.” I said flatly, “and you need me here.  You’ve got no one else since Margret has gone.”  I stood and walked over to him, wrapping my arms about him from the back. “I need to take care of you because you cannot do it yourself.”

“I won’t be around forever.” he whispered.

“Don’t say that.” I chided him, “You’ll be here for years to come.  We’ll be making this the best mill in the county.  Maybe all of Ireland.”

“That’s why you need a husband.” he told me, “You need a man.”

“Like I need another hole in my head.” I replied.

“If you don’t want a man, then go work for the manor.” he said strongly, “I canna be here forever.”

I stopped and thought.  He wasn’t telling me something.

“What are you saying, Grandfather?” I asked, my voice quivering a bit now.

“Your Grandmother has come to me in dreams of late.” he said as he slowly sat on the chair by the window.  “I’m old child.  Your sister’s well provided for now.  There is no one else and you canna run this mill alone.”

“I can!” I stomped my foot on the hardwood floor, “And I will!”

His face broke into a large grin.  “I believe you can.” he smiled.” a more hard headed child I have never met.  From the day you were born…”

“Aye, I know.” I finished his sentence “the clouds broke and the sun shone. “

He laughed then. 

“Yes, the sun shone…and the world was right.”



II

Life went on for awhile then.  Grandfather seemed to age quickly.  He would get tired while loading and unloading grains.  Money became tighter.

I supplemented what I could by baking for the Lord and the manor of the area.  It wasn’t much but it helped.  I could get the flour at a lower price and that made the profit more.  But times were still hard.  So many had left to seek fortunes in America and Canada.   The British had raised the taxes and each year more and more people lost their lands and houses.  We were close.

And it was on one fine spring day I was visiting the manor with fresh breads, that William, the fourth son of the manor , pulled me aside.

“How are you doing, Kathleen?” he queried.

“I am doing fine, M’lord” I said to him with no shyness at all.  After all I had known William for most of my life.  We were of about the same age.  The difference was he was of the manor born and I was a mill keep’s daughter. “Why the sudden interest, Will?”

“You know I am quite fond of you, Kathleen.” he replied, “And I just wish you to be safe and happy.”

“I am happy.” I responded, “I am very happy in the village.”

“Come live here.” he said softly, “Come live in this house.”

I started to giggle.  “House” he said.   Why, the kitchen alone was twice the size of Grandfather’s cottage.

“Are you asking to make an honest woman of me?” I smiled.

“Is that what it would take?” he responded.

“That and converting to being a Catholic.” I told him.

“You know I can’t do that.” his face dropped.

“Then ya don’t love me.”

“I do,” he turned and walked a few steps away. “Why don’t you become Protestant?”

“Because I’m Irish.  And proud of it.”

“Pride my lass, is not something a woman should exhibit.”

I could feel the color rush to my cheeks.

“It is exactly what this woman will exhibit.” I walked to the window and looked out over the lea and the green rolling hills.  It was a grand place.  Ostentatious maybe.  But it was grand.

William had three brothers and English law stated the eldest would inherit the land and title.   There was little way that William would come to own this.   And marrying a Catholic would make that even less likely and could get him thrown out of the manor.  Not that he would ever starve I’m sure.  He was educated and of lineage.  He could easily become a barrister.  Likely he would become something that would lead to being a lifelong politician, in powdered wig,  with little more to do than sit in chambers somewhere.

And yet he wasn’t hard on the eyes at all.  In fact, he was rather handsome and many an English Duke’s daughter had their eye on him.  He could ascend  that way to being a Lord.  Then he would have title and land…and a wife.  That, I am afraid was how I saw me in his life, not as a wife but as his side piece.  It was acceptable for the aristocracy to do that.  And there would be many a bastard child in the servants quarters. 

No, that wasn’t for me.  I may not become a Princess but I would fit the part. When we were children I had told him that,  He never forgot it.

“Even Princesses hold their tongue.” he told me sternly.

“Your Queen doesn’t.” I responded, “She has her consort.”

He laughed loudly.

“I swear Kathleen you are the most stubborn and hard headed woman I know.” he reached for me and pulled me closer. “I would almost give this all up for you.

“Almost isn’t enough, William.” I pushed him away, “If you really love me, you would give it up.”

“That’s the stuff of fairytales.  In reality, things don’t work that way.”

“True love does.” I replied, “True love knows no barriers.”  I moved further from him. “You don’t love me, William, you are infatuated with me.  I am nothing more to you than a filly that you can break and stable.  It’s not love, William, it’s wanting something you don’t have.  You will never have.”

“I can take what I want.”  he pulled me to him again.

“Let me go, William.” I struggled to get loose.

“No.” was his simple response. “You can fight all you want.  I am offering to you to do this simply.  You will never want.  You will be warm and safe here.  All you have to do is agree to be with me.”

“As your wife?” I stared at him intently, still trying to pull away.

“If you renounce that church”

“I can’t do that.” I pushed against him again. 

“Then as my mistress.”

“And live the life of your personal whore?  Degrade myself and sell myself for profit?”

“For survival.” he pointed out, “It wouldn’t be bad.  You could be the Governess or Lady’s maid.” he added quickly.

“Me?  A Lady’s maid?  To your wife no doubt.?” 

“Of course to my…”he stopped, his face going slack.

“Well?  Be for finishing the thought.” I demanded.  “For surely I would not be the wife.”

“I offered.” he said angrily.

“You offered under conditions.” I yelled back.  “What is it you want, William?  What is it you really want of me?”

“I want you, Kathleen.” he stated

“No,” I said trying to get past him, “No, you don’t”  I pulled again.  He held my arm tighter.  I took a swing at him and he caught my other wrist.

“Let me go, William.” I hissed with a whisper.” Ye’ll  not be takin’ what you want against me will.”  My brogue thick now.

“Kathleen,” he sighed, “I don’t know what you think I am but I would never take you against your will.”  He let me go and I staggered back a step.  “I do love you.”

“Then you would change for me.”

“I can’t do that and you know it.” he turned away from me.

“Then,” I said, “I’ll be going M’lord.”

He nodded.

I started toward the door when he added softly.

“Kathleen,   You’ll be losing the mill in a week.  Taxes were due and I delayed as long as I could.  But now…”

“You will be taking away what little I got.” I finished for him.

“I don’t want to.  But I have no choice.  The Crown wants us to pay.  It’s the way of life.”

“You could give me more time.” I sighed.  “The end of the season.  I can pay then.”

“No.” was all he said

“Is this your revenge?” I asked.  “If I gave you my body, would you change your mind?  If that’s what it takes I’ll…”

“Don’t finish that,” he trembled.  “That isn’t what I want.  I have no control over this.  I am the fourth son.  Thadeus makes the decisions.  He has already made this one.”

Once again he walked toward me.  As he did, I stood frozen.  He could take me if he wanted.  He could take me and the mill and no one would fault him.

“I wish you could see that I do love you.  I have since we were children.  I dreamed you would be my wife.  That we would grow old together.” he held his hands out to me.  “But I can’t”

“Yes you can, William.” I replied.  “You can give this up.  I am sure they will give you money and we can go somewhere.  Anywhere.”

“If only it were that easy.” he took a step closer.  “But you and I both know it isn’t. “

“Then, M’lord,  I ask your leave.”

“Go.” he said, “And God speed my lovely Kathleen.  I hope you find what you seek.”  He gently lifted my hand and kissed the back.  “Because, you deserve everything in this world to make you happy.”

I again turned to walk away.

“Tell me where you will go, please.”

I stopped.  I had not considered this.  Where would I go?  For some unexplained reason I said “North, North to the coast.”  He walked over to a table in the room and took out some money.

“Here then,” he handed it to me, “Go in peace.  This should pay your fare there.  Maybe a bit to live on once you get there.  Is there a reason you’re going there?”

I thought for a second.  I had had this strange drawing to the North.  A compulsion, like it was where I needed to be.  Up until now, I had ignored it.  Put is aside with working the mill caring for my Grandfather.  But now…now,  that I had nothing to hold me here, it as where I felt I needed to go.

I had dreamed of a place, a rocky area where the cliffs fell to the sea.  Where sheep and cows roamed.  Where the breeze off the sea both chilled you and made you feel warm.  A place I had never seen before was strong and clear in my mind.  It was there I was supposed to be.  And I didn’t know why.  For a moment I even considered that even if William had consented to give this all up, I would have found another excuse to leave this place for that coast.


I took the money and turned away, walking as fast as I could to the front door.  Behind me I heard his voice.

“Go with God, Kathleen.  Find what you seek.  Be happy.  This is all I ask.” he called out “And remember me.  I will be here waiting if you need.”