Bread and circuses

Usually associated with a government plan that is to keep the citizens happy while they do something to increase their own wealth. 

Caveat before I get too deep here, I did not see the interview.  I have not read any reviews on it.  And I have a preset opinion based on the last few years,

Last night, Bruce Jenner, the 1976 Decathlon Olympic champion, the poster child for how a man could be strong, agile, physically powerful, and fast all at the same time, “came out”.  At least confirmed rumors of his gender identity.  For this I applaud him.  Bravo Mister Jenner (NB he evidently still wants to be addressed as a male).  It takes guts, especially in the public eye to put yourself out there for all to see.  In this case with something 90% of the US population either doesn’t understand at all or has very bad opinions of what it is.  Brava.  From what I understand you held your own.

I will either read the transcript or watch reruns of this because this isn’t going away.  20/20 even did it in a non-sweeps month.  Amazing, no?

But here a some things that do (did) bother me.

He lied.  Now I am not one who is pure and chaste.  I know there are places where falsehoods or deflections are better than the truth.  But, at least in the transgender community, this was a slam dunk.  We…knew.  Sure it was discussed on occasion.  Will he?  Won’t he? But for the most part we left it alone. It was his life.

However he didn’t help by lying about it.  I do understand why he did.  Many many of “us” have.  We almost all start with a lie.  After all, being trans is a pariah.  A pox upon us.  We are conditioned and told to be one thing while our minds and bodies tell us another. Like Mr Jenner, we do things to show how manly we are.  It is not an unusual path.  A lot of crossdressers and a significant number of transsexuals hold this in their whole life.

This is where I had hoped that Mr Jenner would have been more forth coming earlier.  He helped perpetuate the idea that we should be ashamed of who we are.  That we somehow should not let the world know who we are.  That we are…bad.  If we believe that in ourselves, how can we make others understand?  To be fair, we don’t totally understand but we can learn if we get over the “fact” that ‘we just ain’t right in the head.’ (NB...yes that was sarcasm)

His private life is just that.  Private.  Well until his ex-wife, children and step children make it not private.  He was in a fish bowl.  Having lived with my secret for years, I can imagine how he must have felt and then I can't.  It’s like being in a trap or maze.  And every time you make a wrong turn you get rewarded.  Pretend to be a “man” here’s sex.  Act macho, here’s friends.  Who wants to give up those two things?  But this was obvious.  Michael Jackson obvious.  Bill Clinton obvious. And lying about it doesn’t help.  It fuels the fire and reinforces what people “know”.  In this case, we are liars and sneaks because we are breaking rules and don’t want to get in trouble. Like getting caught with your hand in a cookie jar...of cookies you bought.   I will never know what he stood to lose if he had ‘fessed up two or three years ago.

For many of “us” it was acceptance from those we love.  Wives, children, parents.  Was that why he deflected it?  He says he had admitted his GID to his two wives   He also explains it caused a split in one marriage (I don’t think it is the GID alone in most cases, usually there are other reason(s) on both sides of that equation).  Kids, I get too.  You want your children to see you as an icon. A hero. My opinion, coming out to his adult children who were busy making a mockery of themselves on national television would not have demeaned the family any more.  Parents?  I have no idea how his parents were.  My guess would be his father was a man who wanted strong sons over caring sons. After all he was an Olympic Champion.  But I don’t know.

It wasn’t money (that is a huge assumption on my part because “rich” people are often broke).  It wasn’t that he would lose a job (I have no idea what his job was…or is.  Is he still endorsing things?  I mean besides Kim and Khloe). Love?  His wife knew already.  Maybe sex?  I dunno.

But he finally came out.  Broke the news that everyone already “knew”.  Was that better than all of a sudden?  Again, I dunno.

But it is done.  The cat is out of the bag and the toothpaste is all over the sink.  So I ask:

1)      was this a positive move for Mr. Jenner and the TG community in general?

2)      Will this in some way help “us” move into mainstream life now?

3)      Will he be a role model.  A spokesperson now.  Or will he, because of the circus his extended family has provided to the zombie television world they call “reality”, be seen as a PR stunt.  Something to increase ratings or to bolster his own ratings because he wants or needs the spotlight?

4)      Did you (especially the non-TG people) learn anything that made our community less of a stigma?

Is this a new point for the transcommunity.  One where we made some inroads to allowing us to be the productive members of your society we already know we are?

Please comment.  Positive, negative…indifferent.  I know what I think and I have lived that mindset now for three years.  So, technically I lied too.  Yes I lied about me to the world for 55 years. 

Yes I lost friends.  I didn’t lose the loves of my life from being TS.  I lost my business in a way.  I still see the looks and still get the comments and misnomers.  They still hurt but I am learning to live with them, All my true friends are walking with me now.  All those who could not, are walking another path that I don’t see.  I still have a few people I would really like to understand who I am, but they won’t. 

But I gained far more.  I am happy with me now. I now see a full life.  Yes there are a few things I would like to change.  I would like someone to be there with me forever; someone who wants to be with ME.  I would love that the healthcare world, both medical and insurance, would see that we are just like everyone else and cover our transitions the same as they cover other medical issues. (I would actually love that no one in the United States had to even worry about medical care but that is another issue).  I don’t expect people to change their minds quickly.  In fact I expect "the 90%" won’t change at all over this.  Why?

Because it was handled as “Bread and Circuses”

Sunday bread crumbs

Morning after a busy day.  Slept late (really late).  I may have found the key to winding down at night...StarTrek (STOS) because so far the episode with Michael Ansara as Kang has put me to sleep two nights in a row ( I assume Kirk will save the day but I am not sure).  It was a great evening.  If the audience has half the fun I have, then it is worth it.  Although some people last night seemed like they didn't really care for our show.  When asked they were almost exclusively new to the Crown.  Maybe they had different perspectives of what goes on there.  We are unique to the place.  And since there are acts I don't care for there, I would think that there are those who don't like ours.

But I did promise photos of the second dress.  Note: Will post the photos I took and the photos Cheri Amor took.  There are some interesting differences and I do apologize for that.  Suffice it to say, this dress will be worn ONLY at certain events from now on

First the makeup.  I really have to explain I don't do "drag".  I know that sounds prejudicial or elitist and really those who do drag have my respect for what they can do.  But I am not a drag queen.  I was asked, however, for the purposes of the AGIF show to camp it up...drag it up so to speak,  Since I really don't have background in that, this was my compromise

And although I got a lot of compliments, I didn't really like the look.  It was totally stage....

(Insert rant #1 here).  While I appreciate the thought, I don't WANT to look like a drag queen and suggestions in that manner really make me uncomfortable.  Why is it that when someone says "I like your look but...." they really seem to mean "You don't look like I think you should"?  I don't really care that you have been a queen for 47 years and know every makeup trick in the book.  When I say "Thank you but it isn't what I do." then let it go...please.

At home I didn't really think the dress was that shear

 But here is the dress  I have wanted the Michelle Pfeiffer on the piano showing a lot of leg photo for a long time

 

There was no place to put the sender so I had to put it under my arm

  You can file that in "things I will never see Lori in again"

Bread crumb 2:  Know when to be "off".  I know that when I am performing I can be obnoxious and loud.  I know which friends I can be irreverent with.  I hope I know quickly who doesn't want to talk and who does.  The dress above aside...I have to be an ambassador for the Trans (and by that I mean all trans...but especially the CD and TS's) community.  We have an image problem.  Not unlike the image problem many minorities have in societies who don't have the facts or who rely on stereotypes.  I want people to see me and say "Gee she isn't at all like what I saw on TV".  Why?  Because I have to be part of the whole community, of society.  Reinforcing the stereotypic behaviors of being rude, bitchy and a clown doesn't make my life, nor my "sister's" lives any easier.  When you come into a place and start getting in the customer's faces and making sexual innuendo comments...you diminish the rest of us.

This is why I would be very happy if RuPaul disappeared from the earth (as much as I wish Dr Pol would go with him).  But I do understand the attraction.  Very similar to me knowing that every person who lives in the country isn't Jethro Bodine or the Duck quack guy.  They are not.  But who gets the press?  Just for fun, name 5-10 transpeople you know about,   On the positive side is Laverne Cox, Chaz Bono. Iknow several more who hold positions in science, medicine and the arts.  You seldom hear of the trans who have government jobs, places in Fortune 500 companies, who are respected parts of their communities.  No you hear about Priscilla Queen of the Desert and Tootsie and the Queens on RuPaul.

So that's my rant on what people see in public, let's talk professionalism.  Drag Queens are entertainers.  I get that.  And as much any actor, singer, performing artist would and should get the respect from fellow artists to not have their performance interrupted or sidetracked.  It is rude and it is very crass and unprofessional.  And it is just as unprofessional and crude to go around the venue during the performance and talking to the patrons.

RESPECT. Give it...get it.  You want RuPaul drama?  The next DQ that interrupts MY show or anyone in my show is going to get a stiletto up her ass.  You know who you are.

Bread crumb 3 "Islamic State kills Ethiopian Christians in Libya"

  This is atrocious on its own.  I wish there was some way to make those persons accountable for this crime.  They are cowards to start with, hiding behind masks and sneaking around.  But that aside...

On a level closer to home now.  I hear often that my fears would never come to pass.  My fears of being singled out for my life, for who I am isn't possible.  That in America it would never happen.  I wonder, as these Christians were being captured, tortured and eventually murdered, if they thought the same.  How they believed that in their world, worshipping who they wished wasn't a reason to be killed.  On the same token, how the majority of the Muslims in the area would never consider this kind of violence in the name of their God and are just as angered as we are.

 But it happens here in the good ol USA.  We are appalled when Christians are murdered and yet we ignore, or in some cases applaud when a transperson is beaten, raped or killed because "it is their own fault".  And yet I hear it won't ever happen here because we have "laws".  So should we assume that when the ISIS members attacked the victims, someone yelled "We have laws!"?  I doubt it.  

Of course killing and maiming a person because they are "different" isn't the common thing in the US.  No that, we will all agree, would be wrong (sort of like saying that we should kill every Muslim in the world because they aren't Christian and yet I know people who say that...sorry I digress).  No, we are subtler.  We make life difficult for them.  We make it hard for them to survive.  We make them marginalized. We tell "Jokes".  We spread fear.

 

But it won't happen here in the US.  We believe everyone is equal. The majority do believe this.  But the majority of Muslims believe that killing is a sin.  It won't happen here.  Except when a small band of people decide that they can decide who gets to live, or die or gets a job or gets to use a public facility or gets to keep people from marrying or buying a house or adopting a child. We are appalled over the murder of Christians in Libya, but less so with the killings here in our country over gender expression.  Granted, so far they have not rounded up a whole group and led them to prison or death.  But it doesn't take a whole lot to get public opinion to sway in that direction.  The "It isn't me, why should I care." contingent. It doesn't take much.  In less than 100 years this has been proven over and over again.

 

Last week was the Yom HaShoah, the day of remembrance marking the Holocaust.  I know that the majority of the Germans would have been against what was done, but they stood back and let it happen because they thought they had been mistreated after WWI. I see a contingent here in the US who have that same feeling.  Thet they are "losing" their lives because something is given to someone else just to help level the playing field.  It can snowball out of control quickly.  Today I am "safe".  That can change in a heartbeat. Electing someone or not voting can change everyone's lives.  All it takes is apathy or convincing people that they are getting the short end of a stick.

Why do I worry?  Because those who don't learn from history do repeat it. Although the definition is for Genocide, it does apply to other groups like the LGBT community:

 

Genocide as defined by the United Nations in 1948 means any of the following acts committed with intent to destroy, in whole or in part, a national, ethnic, racial or religious group, including: (a) killing members of the group (b) causing serious bodily or mental harm to members of the group (c) deliberately inflicting on the group conditions of life calculated to bring about its physical destruction in whole or in part (d) imposing measures intended to prevent births within the group (e) forcibly transferring children of the group to another group.  

   

Busy weekend.  I love the hustle and bustle.  It makes life exciting.  One more appearance for "Everything goes" the annual Mile High Players show.  It conflicted with my Cabaret (tonight 9-12 at the Crown Social 1446 S Broadway) so I will have to do my song and head out to set up.  May stay home tomorrow and rest up (I would say clean house but that ain't gonna happen).

This is my new life.  I love my new life.  It is what I should have been, who I really am.  I know it could all come crashing down tomorrow.  That is sort of the impetus for moving ahead at the speed I am.  Nothing in this world is guaranteed.

I am very lucky to have angels on my shoulder for all this and I do appreciate the good intentions they have.  Sometimes, OK frequently, I need a beacon to show me the way.  But other times, I need, no want, to go my way.  It is who I always have been.

So that said, I want to state, I am growing, I am learning and I want to experience things.  I know what I am doing usually.  I know what I am wearing and I know how my makeup looks and I know how I act.  I may appear naive but really I am not.

Back to the weekend and the performances.  I am wearing two rather riske' dresses.  These dresses are not what I would wear to the grocery store or to my other work as a vet.  They are sort of a uniform for the performer.  They do reflect how I see me and right now they look pretty good on me (except the baby bump).  My character in the AGIF show is shall we say seductive.  So that is how I look.  

Not what you would wear to church.  But it is something many women would or did wear when they were in my stage of "development".  Some seem to forget prom, or the wedding, or even that date when yo really wanted to impress someone...like the BMOC who finally asked you out, where they wore gowns that they would  not wear everyday.  The "Princess" syndrome.  In my opinion, I could wear this dress to certain cocktail parties.  At the Rockies game, I would probably get on thejumbotron...and I would not like that attention, but I do like the attention I get when I wear this in my entertainment atmosphere. 

Yes I realize I am showing cleavage.  I know and I was very cognizant to make sure it was covered within the limits of the event.  But now I have to ask...why?  Why, now that I am transitioning, are my breasts (boobs, tits...whatever) a cause for concern when 3 years ago I could have wandered around town...even the Rockies games, without a shirt?  My modesty leads me to cover them up in most cases.  I did before even, not feeling anyone would care to see me topless. Why are the same breasts I had 5 years ago, now suddenly taboo?  A case I have mentioned elsewhere.  I was going to a golf course just to buy a range pass, but I dressed appropriately for a woman in that context.  A skort and a polo shirt.  I am not that well developed so I started with just a cami under the shirt.  When I looked I thought it showed more than I wanted to on a public golf course.  So I put on a bra.  At the course there were two men, over 50 , who were waiting to pay their greens fees.  Men, nicely dressed, very nice, good looking, obviously professional...males.  Both were wearing polo shirts.  Both had obvious breast growth and very obvious ...um... nipples.  No one told them to hide themselves..  I don't know that I would have been sent away in my cami, but the point is they were "allowed". No one confronted them or questioned their lack of propriety.

The dress above has been criticized (OK the wearer has been criticized) for exposing too much.  It was a minority but it made me think...these women 30-40 years ago would have worn this dress on a date, or party.  I am not much for the saying "Age appropriate" but if you use that, I am 20 years old.  I am going through what women in the US have gone through at the age of 16-24.

The same camp says I wear too much makeup.  First, again, I am a performer.  Lights and such wash out features.  So we over do the makeup.  Every actor does.  Second, the venues I am at are social party places.  Where men and women want to present better than that Sunday at 6:30 AM look.  Remember---16-24, how at that age looking your best was important to attract a potential mate (OK sort of stretching there since a mate for me is not on the horizon) but who knows?  Miss or Mister Right may wander in at anytime. 

Just realize that I have different looks for different situations.  While I may stop at the store after being out in a dress similar (OK less exposing) to this, it is a special occasion.  I have legs that most people like to see.  I have eyes that most like to see.  I now have boobs...

My working as a vet look......

Not the same as my

"Princess"  look

Will post photos of the "OTHER" dress later...

Lovely spring day...before the spring snow and rain.  Other than the biting cold, I like the rain in April and May.  But it picked a bad weekend  for it.  Friday and Saturday I will be in the "Everything Goes" ---I don't think it is a play more than a combination of skits---doing my one number "Stormy Weather" totally stolen from my best friend and mentor Michael Nicosia (I am not above stealing GOOD material).  Then Saturday, after my song, I will have to board the Hyundai tour bus and hit the Crown Social to set up and perform our April Cabaret show (9-12 this time, next show may be a different time so watch for updates).  Last night I worked the bar again, so out of rhythm but fun.  Tonight dress rehearsal.  I have at least two dresses to choose from for the one song, so I may have to wear one each night of the play.

Big news is that I will get to live a dream and front a Big Band in June.  Sounds cool huh?  Me, a 20 piece band behind me doing swing, torch....ok a ballad.  But hey, I get to front a Big Band... 

That is my quandary.  You see, I have the chops (No brag just fact) to do that and that is my favorite era in music.  Every young woman in the 30's and 40's wanted to be a girl singer with a traveling band (hey this is MY fantasy so go with it).  Logistics aside as it was a rough life that was probably even rougher for a woman where she didn't have much privacy and she was on the bus with 20 men for hours or days, eating greasy spoon foods, it was having adoring fans, yes young men, young men who may never come home, staring at you on stage in your fancy dress. 

OK off track again (maybe I should name this blog the sidetrack).  But the reality back then was there were only so many bands and only so many openings for women like Doris Day, Ella, Jo Stafford, Helen O'Connell and Helen Forrest.  These openings are even fewer now with less bands and almost zero openings for a transsexual.  First there are very few people who will even consider it.  I have been extremely lucky being able to perform in the Cabaret and even more so with several of the best piano players in Denver at great venues.  Also, not being one to play the falsetto card and sound fake, I sing in MY voice. (See "passing" blog).  The musicians in this particular band don't think I can sing, at least they think I can't sing the songs the women sang. 

Last night the comment was that an arrangement they had was for a "Male voice".  I replied "It will be done by someone with a male voice but who looks like a woman."  I didn't understand why a song was the purview of one gender over another.  At worst you change a few words.  If the singer is singing about the loss of her man, then that fits my image, right?  If the song is about someone losing their "woman" unless it is talking about making babies, why couldn't it be changed to losing your man?  I know most the songs from that era, I can sing them...but being trans is a huge barrier for how things will be viewed.  So I will live my fantasy with one or two songs, then like that Serenade in Blue...fade into the twilight.  But it will be a night to remember.

I sometimes forget that there was a previous life that I had lived.  I see me as a woman.  The patrons and the dancers at the band's gig, are over a "certain" age and would not be amenable to the TS.  Older persons tend to be more set against it and that is the fan base.  (On a personal note, I have been to several rehearsals for this band and not ONE member has shown anything but respect to me.  They are, or at least seem very open).  We do have to look at the people who will be paying though.  It is the same with any business, and a Big Band is a business.  But I hope that someday, how you look will be second to how you perform.   With anything, age, gender, race, color, sexuality...it should not matter as long as you do a good, and more likely great, job.

So add this to my blog before.  As a transwoman I am going to be "out there" doing what I do, with pride.  I am going to be me.  Because if I had decided to stay hidden, to be unseen and go unnoticed, I would have missed an opportunity of a lifetime, fronting a big band in a gorgeous gown.  This will be my shining hour.

Two blogs in one day and maybe it is just more breadcrumbs I dunno.

A few small points concerning the trans community.  Maybe they can help some who really don't know about transpersons.

The word "Transperson" doesn't mean the person is changing genders.  It means that the person in some way identifies with the gender they were not born physically as.  Many Native American tribes saw trans as special, seers, prophets, people with vision. (NB some Native tribes didn't).  But the Twin spirit, the berdache or  wíŋkte or nádleehé were seen as part of the tribes, not outsiders (There is so much we could learn from the First Nations and Native American but we don't).  I prefer the word the Spanish used
"joyas",  or "jewels"<sup>.  OK cluttering already.  Knowing so many in the community, I can see where we have special "powers".  Not magical, just we see things differently.

I am Transsexual...which means I am a woman ( NB I didn't say female, that would be an anatomical marker assigned by external genitalia at birth although for legal reasons it is used for me now.  Hopefully physically I can be female soon).  As such (NB again these rules apply to EVERY Transperson unless they tell you otherwise).  When you see me refer to me by name...Hi I am Lori, or LoriLeah, as she or her.  What I have is "hers".  Intentionally calling me "He" will gain you my undying dislike.  Accidental slips, I will tolerate sometimes.

Other types of transgender are Cross dressers, Gender queer or gender questioning, drag queens, androgynous, fetish dressers.

Number one rule, if you HAVE to ask...don't.  Go with how the person presents or use non-gender specific words. There are NOYB questions that sometimes we may not mind answering.  Things of a personal nature...if you wouldn't ask your mom...don't ask me.  Personally I would love to talk to anyone about me or the community, because it is through understanding, falsehoods are dispelled (Gag...did I say that?  Knowing is understanding ok?)

We are not gay, some may be but many aren't.  Semantics I know but women who date men are the same as transwomen who date men. 

In my "blogs" I will cover a myriad of things...off the wall or off the Red Brick Road as it were.  I will sometimes end up in the ditch or dead end.  But don't worry we will "recalculate" 

And please please please comment if you have good or bad comments. (here or on Facebook) Just don't be personal or rude.  I see the world through my eyes.  You are standing elsewhere and that will make things appear differently.  You have life experiences I don't.  If you are trans experience with what trans is...well you may see something I take for granted daily.

Trans-vet refers to my profession.  I am a veterinarian. I am also a veteran of the military.  I don't know how many veterinarians are trans, but I am sure I am not alone.  This can be a blog for later.

BTW there are derogatory and prejudicial words for me and my community.  I may, on occasion, use them (I think they call it taking ownership) but please don't when responding to me unless it is making a point.  

questions?  Answers?  Coffee?</sup>
 

Breadcrumbs

 

Sometimes you just have to comment on little bits and pieces of what's going on.

(1)Preaching to the choir.  That's what I do because those not involved with the LGBT community couldn't care less if we all fell off the edge of the earth.  As someone told me "we all have our crosses to bear".  Good analogy for an April day huh?  The same man who said people worship and claim to aspire to be like carrying a cross and having throngs of people cheer and clap as he went by.  Now versions and interpretations vary on this but there was one man, Simon of Cyrene who helped carry the cross.  Analogous to sharing the burden of a man he didn't really know. He could have been a Jew or could have been a black or could have been both but that should not really matter, except that the man he helped wasn't part of the world he knew.  Again I just ask you to change one word and put your descriptor in it's place.  Your name instead of Simon's would be easy.

Now I fully understand that it may have been that the Roman soldiers FORCED Simon to carry the cross.  Sort of like when  a law takes weight off someone's cross and those who feel themselves above the cross bearer feel that maybe a little of their rights are violated.  Yet the man did it.  It doesn't say anthing about him objecting.  In fact, there are suggestions the man became a follower.

OK now I scared several people who think that helping to bear a cross such as being LGBT will make them a follower.  In a way, yes it will.  It will make you a follower of the man who said "Love thy neighbor as thy self"

So, the image marked (1) above pokes fun at those who think their crosses are equal to others. and then beg off helping because "They already have their crosses to bear".  Remember "He ain't heavy, he's my brother" (which as it would happen, is the slogan of Boy's Town, a Nebraska landmark that should represent the middle American spirit.  Unfortunately, if it does at all, it is taken as "He is my white, straight, Christian brother").

Breadcrumbs for The choir

(2) Shows a good thing.  The whole article is at DenverPost.com transgender-soldier-caught-middle.  But it was FRONT page.  Not buried in the back.  Not hidden with the car ads...front damn page.

People who meet me tell me that the T community isn't marginalized.  That we are free to go and do what we want to do.  That we are protected by the same laws and rules that every 'Merican is protected under (except when we aren't because laws are passed to keep us out of mainstream...I digress...as always). 

In the last 4-5 years, mostly due to administration change and their support of equal rights, the "gay" community has made some advances.  Don't Ask Don't Tell has been taken off the books so gay and lesbian people can serve their country (which they have been doing silently ever since GAY was invented in 1969 in NYC at Stonewall).  Right now (and this could change with the next President or Congress) gay's can be married and enjoy all the physical and monetary rights that straights have abused for years.  They can adopt (sometimes maybe).  They can keep jobs (Sometimes maybe).  They are citizens (Sorta of kinda with caveats in many areas).

The transgender community fell behind. Often actually EXCLUDED from legislation intentionally.  DADT?  Trans are still a "Medical reason for discharge".  The use of public facilities (restrooms and lockers) are restricted.  Just to name two.

But now, because of the President and others like the man in the article the restriction on military service may be lifted.  The right to fight and maybe die for a country that still sees you as "Less" can be yours.  I don't remember any transgender people in my unit in the Army in the middle 70's...OK maybe one but she didn't show it because she would have been discharged, beaten, maybe even KILLED.  So she kept it to herself.  Funny she did her job and no one even suspected.  There were probably more but we (oops let that out didn't I?) didn't even acknowledge it between ourselves.  The article says 15000.  Fifteen THOUSAND serving right now.  Fifteen thousand patriotic Americans who are willing to give up their identity to protect those who pass laws marginalizing them.  I find that amazing.  How heavy is THAT cross?

Please read the article


One more breadcrumb...this one with a twist.
(3) is about a MAN who was in a women's restroom taking photos.  Not a transwoman; a man.  Oh he is not an oddity.  The oddity would be the man dressed as a woman in a women's restroom with bad intent. No this is the norm for sexual predators.  They don't take the time to disguise themselves...they , like Nike, just do it.

Yet this is still a major article for transpersons.  States still trying to pass laws (making OUR cross heavier) because of folklore.  15000 soldiers (see above) and who are the ones who sexually assault their fellow soldiers.  Not the trans...it is usually a man (There maybe cases of women too but they are rare).  The same in the Civvie world.  Transpeople aren't stalkers or perverts any more than the general population.  But we get special laws passed for us.  

Those who ain't in the choir (are there any out there?), please note.  We ( the transgender community which includes far more people than just trassexuals) are not dangerous.  WE aren't perverts.  We are your neighbors, you friends, your firefighter-police-military-medical-everyone you know. 

The man in the article was in the light because he is a pedophile.  Otherwise a man taking pictures of women in a restroom, would not be in the paper...it happens EVERYDAY.  But they are men...not transpeople, just men.  The odd one gets in the paper...so you will be able to say "Yep, only ________'s" are sexual predators.  We aren't.  We are good law abiding people who would risk our lives for you if you needed, without a second thought about "Oh they're straight" or "They are Christian" or they are from Indiana.

Damn  I ran out of bread
.

There a few real truths in life.  One, put best by Jim Morrison, is "No one gets out of here alive".  It is a statement that cannot be denied.  We're not discussing after life here but the body .  Everyone dies.  Now I am in no hurry to reach that point. 

The other is "Life sucks".  Your suckiness may vary but no matter who you are, in some manner, life sucks.  No enough money, not enough love, not enough candy and the big suck...dying.  We all have to put up with that.  It could be a little suck...it could be a great big suck. 

However, one should not have to endure more suckiness than they have heaped on them by life in general.  Making someone else's life suck worse so you can have a life that sucks less, just isn't "cricket" as they say.

I think the United States was founded on the premise life should suck the least for all people.  I guess the other way to say that is "Everyone's life should suck equally."  Right now, some of you are saying "What?"  and I know it is confusing.  But if life has to suck, let it suck the same for everyone.

Here's where I am going with this.  When one passes a law that in some manner makes another less of a citizen.  A different class.  That makes said person's life suck worse.  We agree?  You can't sit there, that is reserved for (add your favorite adjective here) people.  What would happen if they passed a law saying blondes don't deserve jobs?  Or thirty year olds don't deserve love?  Or women should be paid 30% less then men for the equal work?  You would be angered right?  But change the word.  Change thirty year olds to gay.  Is it OK?  Some think it is.  Change blondes to transgendered people.  Meh, that's cool.  They are freaks anyway...says so right in te Bible...somewhere.  Change women to men...all hell would break loose.

But many don't see it.  Elitist or racist or religious fanatics.

Next time someone says "Those______________'s are making the country more sucky"  just change the word to what YOU see in the mirror.  It isn't any fun is it?

(BTW the bible says nothing about transgender people.  Feel free to send me the passage if you can find it)

Mixed feeling.  With new shows on TV and movies showing transpeople I am concerned.  Is it good or is it bad?  Are we just saveur du mois.  The new oddity in life,  Not quite mainstream but just edgy enough to attract a few people who like to say they are liberal. The new riders of the train so to speak.

I am not talking about the friends of LGBT (especially the T) people who have been by our side ofr years.  The ones who were there when we weren't "popular".  The ones who were just as appalled at movies that showed the Trans community as clowns and perverts or mentally deranged.  The friends who walked out of Silence of the Lambs angry at the choice of villain as we were.  The ones who watched A Soldier's Girl with us and empathized.  

Like I said I am conflicted now.  Although still not accepted as I am by most of society, I am finding a strange new conversation breaker.  The old cocktail line was "I have a friend who is like you." Now it is "Did you SEE ____________ last night?"  Good or bad?  I want so deeply to say good.  Maybe like how the Afro-American community felt watching Blacksploitation movies in the 70's?  Knowing that Carl Weathers, Pam Greer and Ron O'neal didn't represent the whole community.  Yet, that's what we saw.  Violent, hyper sexualized, criminal or, if they were a police officer, breaking all the rules.  I didn't know anyone who fit that mold but within months the clothing and the walk and the "lingo" were de rigueur. 

Are we, as transpersons, now in that setting?  With all the new movies and television, are they showing us in the right light or more reinforcing stereotypes?  Jeffery Tambor won an award for Transparent.  I admit I watched and was impressed they didn't make him a supermodel (or hire one).  He portrayed the angst and issues many of us have.  Then the train went down a different track, focusing less on the transition and the transperson per se, but now the dysfunction of the children.  Which could be interpreted as "Dad's changing sexes and were f'd up and it's because our home life was shit.".  At least he was a real person.  But that led to comments like "you would think they could have found someone prettier" and "He looks like a man in a dress".  Sorry but that is real life.  I wish I could be prettier and sexier and have the body of a SI swimsuit model.  I know a lot of people who wish that, and they all aren't trans.  we have to live with what we have and that's usually from 40-50-60 years of living a lie.  Somethings we just cannot change after a certain age.  It is hard to get people to see us in a new light, UN-learn as they say. 

Now, though, there are so many shows and movies who do incorporate "us" into the plot.   (and happily many are using either trans actors or a the very least the correct pre-tx  gender  not a  genetic woman playing a transwoman or a man playing a transman).  I can't help but wonder if we are confusing the general public though.  Shows like RuPaul show Drag Queens in the worst possible light.  Is there enough balance brought by a show like Transparent to show that we are not all overtly  campy and catty entertainers? Before someone goes off the highwire here and says "No one will watch normal people", I agree.  No one wants to see me get up in the morning, feed the cats, have coffee and then stare at a computer screen for hours.  There may be an audience for watching a trans-veterinarian but my skill set wouldn't entertain for long "Oh hi, your dog is puking...try this"  "I am so happy to see fluffy in for her spay". Maybe if I had been out when ER Vets was showing and they could have slipped me in an episode...

The new series (see link below) follows real people.  It should be interesting...if you have the cable channel that is buried deeply in your package. 

 new girls of the block

So, are we the Baskin-Robbins flavor of the week? Or is this our time to break through into society and be accepted as who we are? I hope it is the latter.  When I can walk into any store or restaurant, or yes, even my favorite bar and only attract attention because of my style or my smile or my singing. (yes that was a not so subtle dig at the man who addressed me as "Him" twice the other night.  You can call me Lori, you can call me Lorileah, you can call me miss, or ma'am.  You can refer to me as she or her.  I will even let a slip go on the old gender, but intentionally calling me him because you don't like what I am...) Then maybe the next step will be where the Trans community can get and keep jobs, can serve their country, can live as the productive citizens they are.  It worked so well because of Christy Love and Shaft movies...

A little off topic here but I am also experiencing the "You all look alike to me" and the "Well you MUST know________" syndromes.  I get mistaken frequently for other Transwomen (some TS most not) and while I may find it flattering they at least KNOW another Trans,I don't look like most of them (assuming I know them at all which addresses the other point).  We don't have a secret club or church or meeting place where we all go.  The other day at a golf course (and to be totally fair, the two people in the pro-shop were very respectful and kind) and was looking at the sale rack after buying my range pass (ok you can wake up the description of all this is over).  The woman pro was talking and probably for the first time in my life I wasn't eavesdropping, when I heard "Do you know______"  I didn't hear the name and I assumed she was talking to her co-worker.  Then she said it again "Excuse me, do you know Daphne?"   I looked up and said "Are you asking me?"  She said she was and repeated the name again.  I said I didn't know her.  She replied "Oh thought you might since you two are the same."  I hope she meant great style and absolutely marvelous golfer...: