I am done being polite.

I couldn't give two flying....well I really don't care how people feel about things that are part of my life.  In the last week I have had beer poured on me ( I hope it really was accidental but a 6 foot wide spill seems unlikely.)  I have been put down for my taste in music, movies and writing.  But today gets the blue ribbon.

I am on OKCupid.  I thought maybe there would be someone who may want to get to know me.  I don't try and fool anyone.  I am very plain about who I am and where I am going.  This has been a put off for one person because they said I sound like I am high maintenance.  They are correct I am.  But I am also someone who many would like to be with, just I don't go for people whose idea of a date in McDonalds and Red Box.  Here is the first part of my profile. (pay attention to words because evidently ONE tripped a switch)

I am just exploring and seeing who is out there. I lean toward females but the right guy may work. I am not limiting myself at this time. Men, however, you have a larger hill to climb because I am a Princess and I expect to be treated like one. I enjoy the perks of being a woman. Women- know that I am transitioning and thus, I will be physically female soon. I am very happy with who I am. I have accepted who I am. No I won't fit most social mores. So anyone who is interested must be interested in the person, not the parts. I am a transsexual Male-to- female.

Do you see the word?  I take care to not say I am transitioning into a female. I say I am becoming a woman...However in the medical world I am described as a "Male to Female Transsexual".  Common terminology.  And after surgery I will have female anatomy...

But today a woman sent me this message:
"You will never be a female, know that, I am female. Call yourself something else, it's offensive to me to have a man say and think he's my gender!!!! Your DNA will always be male!!!!!! It's your psych issues"

I had no contact with this person in any form before.  She messaged me.  But that one word, that one word that is part of a medical diagnosis....evidently got her panties, not only in a bunch but shoved them as deep as they could go.

(Note, the last paragraph of my profile says "You should message me if: you want to know more, you are not rude and you are patient. I am in no rush to get anywhere, I like being free. If you understand or want to understand the diversity that is the TG community, that we are not what you see on the media"  Definition of rude would be...?)

I replied:
"You may be XX but there is another word for what you are. You don't know my genotype. You are rude. I find that offensive. Your opinion is not supported by medical knowledge. It isn't a psych issue. I don't really know why you thought in any manner I care what offends you anyway"
 I assumed the end but....not she was going to give her full wrath.

Her reply:
"Oh shut up freak!!!!!!!! You are not a woman period!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I didn't respond....so she sent this "I am a medical person with many degrees. Anomalies are rare not this twisted agenda. You men need psych help not surgery!!!!!! You will never ever be a woman!!!!!! You are a fake not part of are clan ,so do whatever but call yourself something else like heshe! I'm offended by you guys.!!!!!! Gourami is being what you we're born with! Embrace that!!!!!!!!!"-  I didn't respond again. "
I'm real. You're fake, have a baby, have periods!!!! Man!!!"

OK time to pick this apart and examine the whole thing.

Exclamation points...more than 4 shows a strong emotional side but not well educated.  Anger issues are likely.

She is a medical person...yet she doesn't say in what manner...doctor, nurse, researcher....Fly by night new age voodoo enchantress....nope can't be any of those because they understand transgender.  She's in New Mexico...so marijuana or peyote grower?  Nope, they don't get pissed about how someone else is.  But she has "many" degrees. She says she works in critical care.  Honestly?   But it does show that Book larnin don't make ya smart. 

She is part of the "clan" (that's how she spelled it...not with a 'K'). So I am guessing radical feminist.  Now I had to see why she said "Gourami"  No idea actually, they're fish I know that much but I thought..."Hmmm maybe they change sex..."  Can't find that anywhere...Gourami is being what you are born with. This is coming from a medical person with many degrees who works in critical care...so she wouldn't correct birth defects?  She wouldn't allow any medicine or surgery to treat anything you are born with?

All that aside.  She is just ignorant (and that scares the hell out of me if I ever need critical care in New Mexico).  Here is where her claim to being medical falls apart as a lie or just plain stupid.

"I'm real. You're fake, have a baby, have periods!!!! Man!!!" So any woman who either cannot or decides to NOT have a child isn't a woman?  Any woman past menopause isn't a woman?  Any woman who has had a hysterectomy isn't a woman?  Her definition of a female and/or a woman is based on the ability to breed or to have menses. 

She's 53 has 4 children...I assume that if she already isn't menopausal she will be soon, then she will be a...?

I don't know why she is fearful of me...I didn't meet any of her criteria.  My profile actually says "M" because I made it three years ago.  If I hadn't mentioned being trans and had the "F" marker, I wonder if she would be scared of me?  She should because her profile photo shows a person with a square jaw, man's hair cut.  She could easily be mistaken as a trans.

I was going to reply to her ignorant idea of having to breed or bleed to be a woman, but then maybe I should lets sleeping BITCHES lie.

A lot of what is considered "bravery" in everyday life is the result of desperation and exhaustion.  What people see as being brave usually isn't that at all.  In fact it could be a last act.

I was sitting at a stop light today, 4 lanes and a turn lane in each direction.  The car next to me did a little beep when the left turn light came on (and BTW are we so stupid that we now have to have flashing yellow arrows to tell people to NOT turn across oncoming traffic?".  At first I looked to see who was so impatient and the guy in te red car next to me was leaning forward over his steering wheel.  I though "Maybe the car died"  But he kept leaning forward and back and he looked concerned.  I looked at the back of the SUV ahead of him, thinking there was something wrong with it but I didn't see anything.  The car on my left, who had the green arrow didn't move, nor did the car across from him. 

Then I saw it, a little prairie dog running as hard as it could across the road.  Everyone on my side saw it and stopped.  the turn lane and the inside straight lane opposite didn't move.  The outside lanes across all started to go.  The first car in the second lane stopped short (the guy behind them didn't hit them thankfully) but teh two outside lanes drove through.  I watched in horror that the little guy ws going to be roadkill.  I hate seeing animals die.  The prairie dog stopped a little then started again, running under the first car.  I was sure the outside car would get him but we al watched as he emerged on the opposite side. (I went through that intersection later, He must not have tried to get back).

Was he (or she I don't really know, prairie dogs don't wear name tags) brave...or stupid?  I think he (let's stay with that) was tired of waiting where there wasn't any food.  So he went.  Is there a difference between brave and stupid?  The end result usually.

Did Rosa Parks decide she was going to be an icon for the civil rights movement?  No, if you read what she said was-her feet were tired.  She saw a stupid rule and consequence seemed less severe so she sat down.  Brave, yes, but she didn't plan on being brave.  Soldiers do things because they are tired of being pinned down or they see no other way out.  Very brave butnot what most plan on doing.

I hear Caitlyn Jenning is brave.  I hear that about me.  I appreciate it and I am sure she does too but we don't transition to show how strong we are.  We do it because we are tired, and desperate to quit hiding or pretending. We weave through traffic, dodging tires and hoping we get to the other side without getting smashed.  Some still call that stupid. That we should be happy the way we were.  Not crossing the street would have been stupid for me.  It wasn't bravery but necessity.

Caitlyn is causing discussions.  I will admit her bravery was going public when she could have done this all on the sly.   But we knew her bravery in 1976, she was a strong woman but we didn't know it then.  To me that makes that gold even bigger now.  So many of us hide and wait and hope it will go away.  Wondering why we don't understand how the rest of the world is.

I will accept your compliment and feeling I am brave...mostly my feet just hurt and I needed to get to the other  side of the street.

Someone said, "Less than 1% of the population of the US knows a transgender person."  I think the estimate is low because the majority of transgendered people don't exhibit it in public.  It is a very private thing for many.  Mostly because of fear.

But there are transsexuals (and more generally transgendered people) in every walk of life. 

We know that transpeople are in the military.  Even back in the  dark ages we were there, we just didn't say anything.  Now they are still there and some are getting a voice.  The end of "Don't ask, Don't tell." allowed the gays and lesbians to serve in sight.  It specifically bans transgendered persons.  But they are there and we know of some who did the most heroic acts who are now transitioning.    Pilots and Navy Seals and probably every job you can imagine, even high ranking officers. 

But what would have happened if those people had been outed or had come out before their brave deed.  Everything is connected in this world, one act leads to another.  It is a continuum.  One deviation can change history as we know it.  It is the basic premise of many science fiction novels.  But imagine if you will, that Navy seal who was part of whatever mission they were part of, wasn't there.  Would the mission have succeeded? OK, it was a team effort but there is the possibility that the Seal's action saved a team mate who saved a team mate who saved the person who killed the terrorist.  For want of a nail.

Because that seal was who they always were, their gender identity had not changed, they completed the mission.  And yet, right now, if that same woman came out, she would be discharged, not honorably either.  Does anyone see the hypocrisy?


Canada recently granted a waiver to an acquaintance in their military who is TG.  Great move, they keep a great member and allow that member to live the life they should.  But the question was raised. "How does this affect battle dress, maneuvers or, god forbid, fighting in a war zone""    This is a good question and one I would like to think is easily answered, it would be no different than any other soldier, male or female.    Yet, logically, it would just because of attitude.  The US Army forbid women in combat zones until recently, claiming weakness and distraction.  That has been proven wrong over and over again.  Let's hope the transmilitary arrive at the same conclusion.

We have trans police officers, firefighters, CEOs and virtually every other job in the US.  If you have the skills, who cares what your gender is?   But one bastion remains and when I bring this up to my friends who are sports enthusiasts they get very adamant.  NASCAR.  Of course other professional sports don't have trans (out trans) participants, but they also are behind on having women also.  NASCAR though claims that they are open. 

Can you imagine, and I don't think it is very far off, that right now a a young person, who looks male, is transgender on the track.  When they come out, let's pretend that they had won races before, maybe even a championship or two, would they still command the same respect from their colleagues or fans.  The answer is unequivocally  "NO".  Because they would some have become "less" .  They haven't by any means the skill set is still there, aggression isn't nailed to testosterone and they haven't lost any intelligence.  And yet when push went to shove, as it always does in NASCAR, the "good ol boys" would  make sure the trans didn't get a chance.

The continuum....what would happen if...imagine things ending up with less optimum results.

I thought I had made this offer before.  Maybe I did and no one took it up.

Any questions (that aren't too personal) you have about my transition, please ask.   I may or may not have the answer.  But if I don't I can try and find it.

If you don't understand it makes it difficult to accept.

I say this because I think some people still don't believe I am serious about this.  I am dead serious.  Many TGs take that literally. It is a matter of life or death.

Let me reiterate, this is me, I am her and she is me and we are both together. I am not doing this for fun or because I am confused ( although I am confused on some things. Like why paraphrasing Beatles lyrics from a time they were stoned out of their heads seemed like the thing to do there).

So here are a few common questions

What made you do this?  I dunno and what a hard question to start this with.  But the most pertinent and common probably.  What made you the way you are?  I spent a lot of my life trying to understand why certain things that thrilled other guys, did nothing at all for me.  But I knew it was deep inside me.  Nothing made me do anything but become who I felt I was for my whole life.

No I wasn't dressed and forced to be a girl at a tea party when I was 5.  No I didn't have an overbearing female role model.  No I wasn't starved for attention or love as a child (we didn't show a lot of affection but we "knew").  Yes I was molested and bullied at points of my life (thus why I really don't understand why BSA is anti-gay when it is a training ground for that.  Oh and a point here, it didn't make me gay either). I doubt it was hormones introduced by physicians while I was being made, it isn't the water (otherwise there would be a lot more of "us").  Genetics?  Maybe.  Nature  vs Nurture...nature. 

When did you know? (corollary to why did you decide to do this).  Easy answer, I have vivid memories when I was 4.  Complex answer?  Forever.  I didn't decide, it was always there.  I suppressed because I was taught to.  Why did I wait until I was 55?  Because there comes a time in your life when you say "Life is short, I don't really care about how society feels and I only have to please me"  But I don't regret anything that brought me here.

How do you have sex? Ah!  Finally a question I can answer...infrequently.  Not enough?  Details by request with a self addressed stamped envelope with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back.

Will you go the whole way (also will you cut it off? Won't you miss that part?)  I dunno.  Hopefully yes (ok not missing that part because...it isn't really gone, just remodeled) but there are hurdles, the biggest of which is money.  Most of the others I have jumped already (why is there a Bruce Jenner analogy there somewhere?)

How can you do this to (yourself, your family, society)?  Myself, I am not doing it to, I am doing it for. My family.  I'm sorry if you think I did this to you.  I wouldn't hurt you for anything...except to save me.  I am still the same person with a soft gooey center as before, just with a different chocolate coating (and no nuts).  Society.  First I don't care about what a bunch of people decide that really doesn't in any way effect the lives and livelihood of the greater being.  I don't give two flips about how you interpret or misinterpret a book.  Society, in general, was started to make sure you didn't do things that would endanger...society.  My gender doesn't mess up anything except your concept of me.

Now just a quick word.  Above I twisted "I am the walrus". You may or may not have noticed something there.  The pronouns are feminine (thank you society for those little boxes of ticky tack).  So the next question is....

How do I refer to you?  Lori would be fine if we know each other.   She if you are telling someone about me.  Her for things I have. When you meet a transgender, reference how they appear.  Simple.  My drivers license says F.  Colorado says I am a woman (your state may vary...if so you need a new state).  I cringe at "Ma'am" as much as I did "Sir" only because it seems ostentatious (I have wanted to use that word for months now) but it is respectful.  M'lady is ok in certain playtime activities. I will ignore male pronouns and (with one exception) the old given name.  It's time to move on.

Honestly though, you can't understand unless you ask questions.  I would rather you ask than have you avoid me.  If it is too personal, I will tell you.  BUT, if you ask, be prepared for an answer you may or may not want to hear.

Jigsaw

I am the piece of the jigsaw puzzle that doesn't seem to fit.  The piece that appears like it came from another box and no matter how you turn it, it never seems to be the one that belongs there.  The colors seem right but...

We are a puzzle to many.  How we can turn our world upside down confounds people.  Honestly it confounds us.  Why would we give up lives, jobs, family?  It doesn't make sense.  How an airplane stays in the air doesn't make sense to me either, even though I passed that test in college.  (Is there a giant sucky thing that holds it up?  I remember something about laminar airflow and different pressures and...all I really care is the damn thing doesn't fall with me in it).  Sometimes we just take things for what they are worth. I think a large number of transpeople do that.  There is no explanation (something about laminar airflow and genetic make up).

I promise you the piece fits.  And it fits without force or remodeling. But you have to "see" how it fits.

When you look at that piece and you look at the space it should occupy and you don't see the way it should fit.  Sometimes you twist it or flop it and the fit may be closer...or worse.  But the key is to "see" how it does fit.  It isn't by changing it or forcing it into a wrong space.  It is often by getting it just right and it slides right in.

We aren't here because a puzzle got mixed up.  We aren't here to frustrate you.   We are here because we are part of the big picture...just a small piece that when added to 999 more makes a cute photo of cats playing bingo. 

OK that was silly right?  Everyone knows cats hate bingo preferring instead to play Canasta (Editor's note...I have no idea how to play Canasta).  But the big picture doesn't have to be sunny beaches or grand mountains.  It can be silly and make no sense at the same time.  I am a scientist, we were told there was always an answer.  True, it may not be the RIGHT answer but there is an answer.  Some we may never know.

We ask "why"?  We accept other things but we ask "why" about ourselves.  We don't argue with most of he "givens" in our lives.  There are reasons for those...wind for example is from a giant fan in California.  But we don't question it (except in golf days when you watch your ball suddenly go left).  I am sure there is a reason for transgendered people.  Someday they will find it, which brings up a whole new set of questions.  Ethical questions that will effect us profoundly.  Certain people will want to "correct" whatever the anomaly is so that the puzzle piece fits.  Changing the cats playing bingo into a picture of a horse painting a masterpiece ( there are horses that do watercolor or oils though, they are paint horses).  Others will want to test and delete whatever causes trans.  Simple way to get rid of the fact the piece doesn't appear to fit...but that would leave a hole in the cats playing bingo thing, maybe where B-8 was and some poor cat won't win then.  No, we know the piece fits...somehow.

Sometimes it takes a different perspective.  You move to the right and it all becomes clear.  A little turn and voila' (that's French for I'll be damned).  You can give up and walk away before that.  Seems many people do think walking away from an almost finished puzzle is the answer.  Others will ponder and work until it makes sense.

Then one day, you slide that piece over the space and realize...it is part of the picture.  You are happy and proud.  You are also angry you didn't see it before, it was so simple.   Hopefully the picture is complete then, every piece working with every other piece.  But if you wait too long or leave it unfinished because you didn't want to make an effort, when you come back there may be other pieces missing and your world will never be complete.

Take time to see how the pieces fit.

Forgiveness

Great what you find on the way while traveling this road..  Today's sermon must be about forgiveness.  After all the first two stories I encountered this morning involved forgiveness.   Let's start with the most heinous.

Last month, a veterinarian in Texas posted a photo of herself holding a domestic cat that she had shot with a bow and arrow allegedly in her yard.  Several of those words are important here.  The article today asked if/when/how veterinarians could forgive her.

Was it legal?  Texas says you can kill an animal that is on your property if you deem said animal to be threat to you, your livestock or property..  This cat, which she deemed feral, was in her yard.  Now as a citizen, was she within the law to shoot the cat?  That is being debated in court right now.  My opinion, no.  Others have mentioned though that we all have at one time or another entertained the thought of killing an animal who was in some way bothering our lifestyle.  The dog next door to me makes it impossible to enjoy being on my deck.  My cats (who never get off the deck because I have enclosed it) can't be out there without that dog barking.  It barks at me no matter what I am doing, mowing the yard, talking on the phone, using the grill.  I hate that dog (OMG...you're a vet and you HATE an animal???"  We'll get back to that in a moment).  While I have entertained ideas to get the dog to stop barking (I call her STFU because I don't know her name, my neighbors and I don't talk.  Even less now that I am transitioning.  The wife seems exceptionally cold toward me...Hmmmm) I would never ever do anything to physically harm that dog.  Even the use of sprays is out because I respect my neighbor's and I somehow believe that they will someday, somehow, take the matter in their own hands.  Part of that is because I am a veterinarian.  I find it hard to intentionally harm an animal.

Now, yes I do enjoy meats.  And Yes, I have hunted (not anymore).  And yes I have euthanized hundreds of dogs, cats and hamsters in my career.  I fully understand that some would see that as being hypocritical.  OK that is a given.  I think we have established that before here.  But we all have lines I guess.  I don't know the animal I am cooking (there's a hypocritical line...I could not eat anything I raised) and that works for me.  I don't hunt because I killed a pheasant once and was physically ill for days out of remorse for taking it's life.  And euthanasia is something I wish humans had because it takes away long term suffering.  My rule in practice was I didn't euthanize healthy animals...Thus Charlie Bidybobo living with me for almost 10 years now.  I did promise the owners I would euthanize him and I likely will..someday when he becomes very ill.  So those are my lines.

But the vet in Texas may have been legal in her kill.  Except, we now find out the cat was a neighbor's pet.  Her perception that it was feral was wrong.  She didn't do her homework.  And to me she added onto the crime by bragging about the kill, showing the corpse and saying she should be veterinarian of the year.

Back to the question though.  Should she be forgiven? I the greater scheme of things, I don't know.  Did she do anything others haven't done many times over?  Killing a dog who raids your chicken coop.  Killing an alligator who is in your pond.  She did what livestock owners worldwide would do with an animal who was on their property.  Also, who am I to offer forgiveness to her?  I am not her  God nor her conscious.  Personally, I would never forgive her.  But until she enters my sphere of professionality, It is moot.

I haven't forgiven myself for lives lost.  That pheasant will be with me forever.  The patients I lost during surgery, even though I had done everything correct, still haunt me because I look for that one mistake I may have made (BTW I remember everyone...but there were only three).  I cried at euthanasia for years (another reason I quit was I no longer cried.  However every time I did it I asked the animal's forgiveness.  Not the human's; the pet's).  The point here is that when I took the oath, and probably long before that, I gave myself to making the lives of animals safer and better.

So...No, I don't forgive her.  She stained MY ideal of what veterinarians are.  She should never work as a vet again.  Just as a pedophile should never come in contact with children.  Just as you would never trust an accountant who embezzled.  Just as Charlie Manson should never ever be in contact with society again.  It's a trust issue.

Which brings me to the other "forgiveness" story.  The Patriots and their cheating.   I am not so naive as to believe any sport is honorable and upright.  On a professional level I know everyone cheats (it is what you do for money).  Even kids in little league are taught to fudge...we start the cheating cycle young here in the US.   What is the rule?  Don't get caught. And if you do, I think you should own up to it.  Hypocritical time again.  When I played volleyball, I am sure that sometime I accepted a call I knew was wrong that gave us the point and possibly the trophy.  It wasn't planned and most would say, that's the way sports goes.  I also know we lost points or trophys in the same manner.  The world didn't stop.

But the football deflator issue is at another level.  I know Americans are not the most honest people in the world.  Hell, the top1% in most cases stomped on you to get what they have.  But these are people that we hold in esteem.  Whom, our children aspire to become.  One expects more form them (expectations like dreams rarely come true).

Brady was punished.  Fined and suspended.  He won't become destitute.  The man won't be out of a job forever.  The Seahawks weren't given the championship (although, that is what SHOULD happen when you cheat.  Horses get disqualified in a race.)  No the Pats will still get respect from the kids and fans.

OK, Lori, how can you compare that with killing a cat?  Because, even though I have made mistakes both of those people were held to a higher standing.  They had made a decision to be who and where they were.  Respect.  Trust. Admiration.  Those things take a lot of time to build and are hard to keep.  Once destroyed, they are harder to put back together.  The vet in Texas will have a hard time finding a job, assuming she is vindicated.  No practice in the state will be willing to have her on staff because of her reputation.  Even if we forgive her, that will follow her for a long time.  Brady, the same.  Every move he makes from now on will be dissected.  The officials will not trust him in ant manner (and the team will get the same scrutiny).  If they don't win another championship, it will be stated they won the others by cheating (BTW this is the second time they got caught...Pete Rose didn't harm baseball but broke a law and he will never get the accolades for the sport.  He paid his debt, yet is still being punished).  If the Pats do win again, the game will be dissected to the smallest detail, and many will find something wrong.

Forgiveness.

I forgive people all the time.  I forgive my cats daily for things (why can't they use the litter box?  Why do they fight?  Why does Charlie Bidybobo turn on me when he is angry at one of the others...doesn't he know that's why he was brought in for euthanasia...and doesn't he understand I saved his life?  Of course he doesn't, he's a cat).  I rail at the driver who cuts me off.  I get angry at stupid things people in the news do...but I forgive them.

I don't forgive me as easily.  I hold me to a higher standing.  You may call it perfectionism and maybe it is in certain things (housework excluded).  But I have expectations for me.  When I don't meet those, I punish myself, for a long long time.  In the above cases, it wll take a long time to forgive them.  Just because I had higher expectations. 

As a transgender woman, I hold myself to a higher standard also.  I represent all TGs when I am out.  I want people to see that we are not what media and society have portrayed us as.  I may ever put more pressure on myself than genetic women.  I have had comments (suggestions?) about my makeup.  While I do over do it on occasion, what I wear is needed, in my eyes, to make me look the best I can.  I am the figurehead, the model, of transgenderism. 

Others may have different standards, but I am not promiscuous.  I don't do things that will bring shame on us, I don't disrespect women by being a parody.  I don't like being placed in that position either.

So far, I don't think I need forgiveness for how I represent the community.  Some feel I do need to ask forgiveness for being who I am.  In that case I am sorry...that you can't see the goodness, the happiness I have now.  Forgive me for being confused about your actions that often don't match your aspirations in your own belief system.  In other words, you don't walk the walk like you talk the talk.  I am sure, sometime I will fall off my own pedestal.  Everyone does.  I may ask your forgiveness.  But rest assured, forgiving myself will be a lot harder.

Whole new experience

For years I was in the entitled group.  I never even thought about going into a mainstream place.  I just went..
But now, I am from a different place.  I am the alien in the world.  And it isn't just being a woman.  That is a whole world unto it self.   No I am blatantly trans.

Now people stumble over themselves trying to be "PC". 

"Come to my business.  We accept anybody."

I am sure they meant no harm, after all, you should accept "anybody" right?  But just the fact you have to make that point says a lot. It may be subconscious but it says "You are different and I know it".

And I am, I know this.  The trans community is .05% of  the world.  Only about 7% of all people in the US know a transperson.   That means (I am going to do math so stand back) 93% of the country has never met a transperson that they know of.   Of course some have met TGs but didn't realize it.  But the truth is that the vast majority of people, regardless of race, creed, ethnicity, religion, color, have no idea who we are.

So, as with every minority ever, you start placing caveats.  "I'm not racist, the man down the street is black and he is very nice, I think."  "I know a Jewish person, Jesus was one you know." or "My brother's best friend is gay."  It isn't conscious, but it is prejudice.

So tonight I was invited to a business.  The owner was very nice but you could tell he wasn't comfortable around me.  "Come on down, we accept everybody".  It should go without saying.  If I was a white middle aged male he would have said "Come on down, we'd be glad to see you."  Even if I were a genetic woman, there wouldn't have been a caveat...OK maybe one "and bring your husband." 

I hope that someday soon, there won't be addendums or exclusions or caveats on those kind of statements.  But I understand this was just  because he didn't really "know" anyone in my community.  Thus the we accept everybody.  Shouldn't this go without saying?  After all if you accept "everybody" you shouldn't have to tell them that.

Earlier in the evening I was at a professional seminar.  A woman was very nice and recognized me...actually by name.  "Lorileah...right?"  I like the fact she remembered me but did she remember me because I was the only trans there?  I would like to think not.  That she was very good with names, something I am awful with, sometimes I even forget my own cat's names.  But then, I am sure that I made an impression on her mostly because I am trans.  Good?  Bad?  Hey, at least now they recognize me.  For 50 years before they didn't have a clue

Bread and circuses

Usually associated with a government plan that is to keep the citizens happy while they do something to increase their own wealth. 

Caveat before I get too deep here, I did not see the interview.  I have not read any reviews on it.  And I have a preset opinion based on the last few years,

Last night, Bruce Jenner, the 1976 Decathlon Olympic champion, the poster child for how a man could be strong, agile, physically powerful, and fast all at the same time, “came out”.  At least confirmed rumors of his gender identity.  For this I applaud him.  Bravo Mister Jenner (NB he evidently still wants to be addressed as a male).  It takes guts, especially in the public eye to put yourself out there for all to see.  In this case with something 90% of the US population either doesn’t understand at all or has very bad opinions of what it is.  Brava.  From what I understand you held your own.

I will either read the transcript or watch reruns of this because this isn’t going away.  20/20 even did it in a non-sweeps month.  Amazing, no?

But here a some things that do (did) bother me.

He lied.  Now I am not one who is pure and chaste.  I know there are places where falsehoods or deflections are better than the truth.  But, at least in the transgender community, this was a slam dunk.  We…knew.  Sure it was discussed on occasion.  Will he?  Won’t he? But for the most part we left it alone. It was his life.

However he didn’t help by lying about it.  I do understand why he did.  Many many of “us” have.  We almost all start with a lie.  After all, being trans is a pariah.  A pox upon us.  We are conditioned and told to be one thing while our minds and bodies tell us another. Like Mr Jenner, we do things to show how manly we are.  It is not an unusual path.  A lot of crossdressers and a significant number of transsexuals hold this in their whole life.

This is where I had hoped that Mr Jenner would have been more forth coming earlier.  He helped perpetuate the idea that we should be ashamed of who we are.  That we somehow should not let the world know who we are.  That we are…bad.  If we believe that in ourselves, how can we make others understand?  To be fair, we don’t totally understand but we can learn if we get over the “fact” that ‘we just ain’t right in the head.’ (NB...yes that was sarcasm)

His private life is just that.  Private.  Well until his ex-wife, children and step children make it not private.  He was in a fish bowl.  Having lived with my secret for years, I can imagine how he must have felt and then I can't.  It’s like being in a trap or maze.  And every time you make a wrong turn you get rewarded.  Pretend to be a “man” here’s sex.  Act macho, here’s friends.  Who wants to give up those two things?  But this was obvious.  Michael Jackson obvious.  Bill Clinton obvious. And lying about it doesn’t help.  It fuels the fire and reinforces what people “know”.  In this case, we are liars and sneaks because we are breaking rules and don’t want to get in trouble. Like getting caught with your hand in a cookie jar...of cookies you bought.   I will never know what he stood to lose if he had ‘fessed up two or three years ago.

For many of “us” it was acceptance from those we love.  Wives, children, parents.  Was that why he deflected it?  He says he had admitted his GID to his two wives   He also explains it caused a split in one marriage (I don’t think it is the GID alone in most cases, usually there are other reason(s) on both sides of that equation).  Kids, I get too.  You want your children to see you as an icon. A hero. My opinion, coming out to his adult children who were busy making a mockery of themselves on national television would not have demeaned the family any more.  Parents?  I have no idea how his parents were.  My guess would be his father was a man who wanted strong sons over caring sons. After all he was an Olympic Champion.  But I don’t know.

It wasn’t money (that is a huge assumption on my part because “rich” people are often broke).  It wasn’t that he would lose a job (I have no idea what his job was…or is.  Is he still endorsing things?  I mean besides Kim and Khloe). Love?  His wife knew already.  Maybe sex?  I dunno.

But he finally came out.  Broke the news that everyone already “knew”.  Was that better than all of a sudden?  Again, I dunno.

But it is done.  The cat is out of the bag and the toothpaste is all over the sink.  So I ask:

1)      was this a positive move for Mr. Jenner and the TG community in general?

2)      Will this in some way help “us” move into mainstream life now?

3)      Will he be a role model.  A spokesperson now.  Or will he, because of the circus his extended family has provided to the zombie television world they call “reality”, be seen as a PR stunt.  Something to increase ratings or to bolster his own ratings because he wants or needs the spotlight?

4)      Did you (especially the non-TG people) learn anything that made our community less of a stigma?

Is this a new point for the transcommunity.  One where we made some inroads to allowing us to be the productive members of your society we already know we are?

Please comment.  Positive, negative…indifferent.  I know what I think and I have lived that mindset now for three years.  So, technically I lied too.  Yes I lied about me to the world for 55 years. 

Yes I lost friends.  I didn’t lose the loves of my life from being TS.  I lost my business in a way.  I still see the looks and still get the comments and misnomers.  They still hurt but I am learning to live with them, All my true friends are walking with me now.  All those who could not, are walking another path that I don’t see.  I still have a few people I would really like to understand who I am, but they won’t. 

But I gained far more.  I am happy with me now. I now see a full life.  Yes there are a few things I would like to change.  I would like someone to be there with me forever; someone who wants to be with ME.  I would love that the healthcare world, both medical and insurance, would see that we are just like everyone else and cover our transitions the same as they cover other medical issues. (I would actually love that no one in the United States had to even worry about medical care but that is another issue).  I don’t expect people to change their minds quickly.  In fact I expect "the 90%" won’t change at all over this.  Why?

Because it was handled as “Bread and Circuses”

Sunday bread crumbs

Morning after a busy day.  Slept late (really late).  I may have found the key to winding down at night...StarTrek (STOS) because so far the episode with Michael Ansara as Kang has put me to sleep two nights in a row ( I assume Kirk will save the day but I am not sure).  It was a great evening.  If the audience has half the fun I have, then it is worth it.  Although some people last night seemed like they didn't really care for our show.  When asked they were almost exclusively new to the Crown.  Maybe they had different perspectives of what goes on there.  We are unique to the place.  And since there are acts I don't care for there, I would think that there are those who don't like ours.

But I did promise photos of the second dress.  Note: Will post the photos I took and the photos Cheri Amor took.  There are some interesting differences and I do apologize for that.  Suffice it to say, this dress will be worn ONLY at certain events from now on

First the makeup.  I really have to explain I don't do "drag".  I know that sounds prejudicial or elitist and really those who do drag have my respect for what they can do.  But I am not a drag queen.  I was asked, however, for the purposes of the AGIF show to camp it up...drag it up so to speak,  Since I really don't have background in that, this was my compromise

And although I got a lot of compliments, I didn't really like the look.  It was totally stage....

(Insert rant #1 here).  While I appreciate the thought, I don't WANT to look like a drag queen and suggestions in that manner really make me uncomfortable.  Why is it that when someone says "I like your look but...." they really seem to mean "You don't look like I think you should"?  I don't really care that you have been a queen for 47 years and know every makeup trick in the book.  When I say "Thank you but it isn't what I do." then let it go...please.

At home I didn't really think the dress was that shear

 But here is the dress  I have wanted the Michelle Pfeiffer on the piano showing a lot of leg photo for a long time

 

There was no place to put the sender so I had to put it under my arm

  You can file that in "things I will never see Lori in again"

Bread crumb 2:  Know when to be "off".  I know that when I am performing I can be obnoxious and loud.  I know which friends I can be irreverent with.  I hope I know quickly who doesn't want to talk and who does.  The dress above aside...I have to be an ambassador for the Trans (and by that I mean all trans...but especially the CD and TS's) community.  We have an image problem.  Not unlike the image problem many minorities have in societies who don't have the facts or who rely on stereotypes.  I want people to see me and say "Gee she isn't at all like what I saw on TV".  Why?  Because I have to be part of the whole community, of society.  Reinforcing the stereotypic behaviors of being rude, bitchy and a clown doesn't make my life, nor my "sister's" lives any easier.  When you come into a place and start getting in the customer's faces and making sexual innuendo comments...you diminish the rest of us.

This is why I would be very happy if RuPaul disappeared from the earth (as much as I wish Dr Pol would go with him).  But I do understand the attraction.  Very similar to me knowing that every person who lives in the country isn't Jethro Bodine or the Duck quack guy.  They are not.  But who gets the press?  Just for fun, name 5-10 transpeople you know about,   On the positive side is Laverne Cox, Chaz Bono. Iknow several more who hold positions in science, medicine and the arts.  You seldom hear of the trans who have government jobs, places in Fortune 500 companies, who are respected parts of their communities.  No you hear about Priscilla Queen of the Desert and Tootsie and the Queens on RuPaul.

So that's my rant on what people see in public, let's talk professionalism.  Drag Queens are entertainers.  I get that.  And as much any actor, singer, performing artist would and should get the respect from fellow artists to not have their performance interrupted or sidetracked.  It is rude and it is very crass and unprofessional.  And it is just as unprofessional and crude to go around the venue during the performance and talking to the patrons.

RESPECT. Give it...get it.  You want RuPaul drama?  The next DQ that interrupts MY show or anyone in my show is going to get a stiletto up her ass.  You know who you are.

Bread crumb 3 "Islamic State kills Ethiopian Christians in Libya"

  This is atrocious on its own.  I wish there was some way to make those persons accountable for this crime.  They are cowards to start with, hiding behind masks and sneaking around.  But that aside...

On a level closer to home now.  I hear often that my fears would never come to pass.  My fears of being singled out for my life, for who I am isn't possible.  That in America it would never happen.  I wonder, as these Christians were being captured, tortured and eventually murdered, if they thought the same.  How they believed that in their world, worshipping who they wished wasn't a reason to be killed.  On the same token, how the majority of the Muslims in the area would never consider this kind of violence in the name of their God and are just as angered as we are.

 But it happens here in the good ol USA.  We are appalled when Christians are murdered and yet we ignore, or in some cases applaud when a transperson is beaten, raped or killed because "it is their own fault".  And yet I hear it won't ever happen here because we have "laws".  So should we assume that when the ISIS members attacked the victims, someone yelled "We have laws!"?  I doubt it.  

Of course killing and maiming a person because they are "different" isn't the common thing in the US.  No that, we will all agree, would be wrong (sort of like saying that we should kill every Muslim in the world because they aren't Christian and yet I know people who say that...sorry I digress).  No, we are subtler.  We make life difficult for them.  We make it hard for them to survive.  We make them marginalized. We tell "Jokes".  We spread fear.

 

But it won't happen here in the US.  We believe everyone is equal. The majority do believe this.  But the majority of Muslims believe that killing is a sin.  It won't happen here.  Except when a small band of people decide that they can decide who gets to live, or die or gets a job or gets to use a public facility or gets to keep people from marrying or buying a house or adopting a child. We are appalled over the murder of Christians in Libya, but less so with the killings here in our country over gender expression.  Granted, so far they have not rounded up a whole group and led them to prison or death.  But it doesn't take a whole lot to get public opinion to sway in that direction.  The "It isn't me, why should I care." contingent. It doesn't take much.  In less than 100 years this has been proven over and over again.

 

Last week was the Yom HaShoah, the day of remembrance marking the Holocaust.  I know that the majority of the Germans would have been against what was done, but they stood back and let it happen because they thought they had been mistreated after WWI. I see a contingent here in the US who have that same feeling.  Thet they are "losing" their lives because something is given to someone else just to help level the playing field.  It can snowball out of control quickly.  Today I am "safe".  That can change in a heartbeat. Electing someone or not voting can change everyone's lives.  All it takes is apathy or convincing people that they are getting the short end of a stick.

Why do I worry?  Because those who don't learn from history do repeat it. Although the definition is for Genocide, it does apply to other groups like the LGBT community:

 

Genocide as defined by the United Nations in 1948 means any of the following acts committed with intent to destroy, in whole or in part, a national, ethnic, racial or religious group, including: (a) killing members of the group (b) causing serious bodily or mental harm to members of the group (c) deliberately inflicting on the group conditions of life calculated to bring about its physical destruction in whole or in part (d) imposing measures intended to prevent births within the group (e) forcibly transferring children of the group to another group.  

   

Busy weekend.  I love the hustle and bustle.  It makes life exciting.  One more appearance for "Everything goes" the annual Mile High Players show.  It conflicted with my Cabaret (tonight 9-12 at the Crown Social 1446 S Broadway) so I will have to do my song and head out to set up.  May stay home tomorrow and rest up (I would say clean house but that ain't gonna happen).

This is my new life.  I love my new life.  It is what I should have been, who I really am.  I know it could all come crashing down tomorrow.  That is sort of the impetus for moving ahead at the speed I am.  Nothing in this world is guaranteed.

I am very lucky to have angels on my shoulder for all this and I do appreciate the good intentions they have.  Sometimes, OK frequently, I need a beacon to show me the way.  But other times, I need, no want, to go my way.  It is who I always have been.

So that said, I want to state, I am growing, I am learning and I want to experience things.  I know what I am doing usually.  I know what I am wearing and I know how my makeup looks and I know how I act.  I may appear naive but really I am not.

Back to the weekend and the performances.  I am wearing two rather riske' dresses.  These dresses are not what I would wear to the grocery store or to my other work as a vet.  They are sort of a uniform for the performer.  They do reflect how I see me and right now they look pretty good on me (except the baby bump).  My character in the AGIF show is shall we say seductive.  So that is how I look.  

Not what you would wear to church.  But it is something many women would or did wear when they were in my stage of "development".  Some seem to forget prom, or the wedding, or even that date when yo really wanted to impress someone...like the BMOC who finally asked you out, where they wore gowns that they would  not wear everyday.  The "Princess" syndrome.  In my opinion, I could wear this dress to certain cocktail parties.  At the Rockies game, I would probably get on thejumbotron...and I would not like that attention, but I do like the attention I get when I wear this in my entertainment atmosphere. 

Yes I realize I am showing cleavage.  I know and I was very cognizant to make sure it was covered within the limits of the event.  But now I have to ask...why?  Why, now that I am transitioning, are my breasts (boobs, tits...whatever) a cause for concern when 3 years ago I could have wandered around town...even the Rockies games, without a shirt?  My modesty leads me to cover them up in most cases.  I did before even, not feeling anyone would care to see me topless. Why are the same breasts I had 5 years ago, now suddenly taboo?  A case I have mentioned elsewhere.  I was going to a golf course just to buy a range pass, but I dressed appropriately for a woman in that context.  A skort and a polo shirt.  I am not that well developed so I started with just a cami under the shirt.  When I looked I thought it showed more than I wanted to on a public golf course.  So I put on a bra.  At the course there were two men, over 50 , who were waiting to pay their greens fees.  Men, nicely dressed, very nice, good looking, obviously professional...males.  Both were wearing polo shirts.  Both had obvious breast growth and very obvious ...um... nipples.  No one told them to hide themselves..  I don't know that I would have been sent away in my cami, but the point is they were "allowed". No one confronted them or questioned their lack of propriety.

The dress above has been criticized (OK the wearer has been criticized) for exposing too much.  It was a minority but it made me think...these women 30-40 years ago would have worn this dress on a date, or party.  I am not much for the saying "Age appropriate" but if you use that, I am 20 years old.  I am going through what women in the US have gone through at the age of 16-24.

The same camp says I wear too much makeup.  First, again, I am a performer.  Lights and such wash out features.  So we over do the makeup.  Every actor does.  Second, the venues I am at are social party places.  Where men and women want to present better than that Sunday at 6:30 AM look.  Remember---16-24, how at that age looking your best was important to attract a potential mate (OK sort of stretching there since a mate for me is not on the horizon) but who knows?  Miss or Mister Right may wander in at anytime. 

Just realize that I have different looks for different situations.  While I may stop at the store after being out in a dress similar (OK less exposing) to this, it is a special occasion.  I have legs that most people like to see.  I have eyes that most like to see.  I now have boobs...

My working as a vet look......

Not the same as my

"Princess"  look

Will post photos of the "OTHER" dress later...

Lovely spring day...before the spring snow and rain.  Other than the biting cold, I like the rain in April and May.  But it picked a bad weekend  for it.  Friday and Saturday I will be in the "Everything Goes" ---I don't think it is a play more than a combination of skits---doing my one number "Stormy Weather" totally stolen from my best friend and mentor Michael Nicosia (I am not above stealing GOOD material).  Then Saturday, after my song, I will have to board the Hyundai tour bus and hit the Crown Social to set up and perform our April Cabaret show (9-12 this time, next show may be a different time so watch for updates).  Last night I worked the bar again, so out of rhythm but fun.  Tonight dress rehearsal.  I have at least two dresses to choose from for the one song, so I may have to wear one each night of the play.

Big news is that I will get to live a dream and front a Big Band in June.  Sounds cool huh?  Me, a 20 piece band behind me doing swing, torch....ok a ballad.  But hey, I get to front a Big Band... 

That is my quandary.  You see, I have the chops (No brag just fact) to do that and that is my favorite era in music.  Every young woman in the 30's and 40's wanted to be a girl singer with a traveling band (hey this is MY fantasy so go with it).  Logistics aside as it was a rough life that was probably even rougher for a woman where she didn't have much privacy and she was on the bus with 20 men for hours or days, eating greasy spoon foods, it was having adoring fans, yes young men, young men who may never come home, staring at you on stage in your fancy dress. 

OK off track again (maybe I should name this blog the sidetrack).  But the reality back then was there were only so many bands and only so many openings for women like Doris Day, Ella, Jo Stafford, Helen O'Connell and Helen Forrest.  These openings are even fewer now with less bands and almost zero openings for a transsexual.  First there are very few people who will even consider it.  I have been extremely lucky being able to perform in the Cabaret and even more so with several of the best piano players in Denver at great venues.  Also, not being one to play the falsetto card and sound fake, I sing in MY voice. (See "passing" blog).  The musicians in this particular band don't think I can sing, at least they think I can't sing the songs the women sang. 

Last night the comment was that an arrangement they had was for a "Male voice".  I replied "It will be done by someone with a male voice but who looks like a woman."  I didn't understand why a song was the purview of one gender over another.  At worst you change a few words.  If the singer is singing about the loss of her man, then that fits my image, right?  If the song is about someone losing their "woman" unless it is talking about making babies, why couldn't it be changed to losing your man?  I know most the songs from that era, I can sing them...but being trans is a huge barrier for how things will be viewed.  So I will live my fantasy with one or two songs, then like that Serenade in Blue...fade into the twilight.  But it will be a night to remember.

I sometimes forget that there was a previous life that I had lived.  I see me as a woman.  The patrons and the dancers at the band's gig, are over a "certain" age and would not be amenable to the TS.  Older persons tend to be more set against it and that is the fan base.  (On a personal note, I have been to several rehearsals for this band and not ONE member has shown anything but respect to me.  They are, or at least seem very open).  We do have to look at the people who will be paying though.  It is the same with any business, and a Big Band is a business.  But I hope that someday, how you look will be second to how you perform.   With anything, age, gender, race, color, sexuality...it should not matter as long as you do a good, and more likely great, job.

So add this to my blog before.  As a transwoman I am going to be "out there" doing what I do, with pride.  I am going to be me.  Because if I had decided to stay hidden, to be unseen and go unnoticed, I would have missed an opportunity of a lifetime, fronting a big band in a gorgeous gown.  This will be my shining hour.

Two blogs in one day and maybe it is just more breadcrumbs I dunno.

A few small points concerning the trans community.  Maybe they can help some who really don't know about transpersons.

The word "Transperson" doesn't mean the person is changing genders.  It means that the person in some way identifies with the gender they were not born physically as.  Many Native American tribes saw trans as special, seers, prophets, people with vision. (NB some Native tribes didn't).  But the Twin spirit, the berdache or  wíŋkte or nádleehé were seen as part of the tribes, not outsiders (There is so much we could learn from the First Nations and Native American but we don't).  I prefer the word the Spanish used
"joyas",  or "jewels"<sup>.  OK cluttering already.  Knowing so many in the community, I can see where we have special "powers".  Not magical, just we see things differently.

I am Transsexual...which means I am a woman ( NB I didn't say female, that would be an anatomical marker assigned by external genitalia at birth although for legal reasons it is used for me now.  Hopefully physically I can be female soon).  As such (NB again these rules apply to EVERY Transperson unless they tell you otherwise).  When you see me refer to me by name...Hi I am Lori, or LoriLeah, as she or her.  What I have is "hers".  Intentionally calling me "He" will gain you my undying dislike.  Accidental slips, I will tolerate sometimes.

Other types of transgender are Cross dressers, Gender queer or gender questioning, drag queens, androgynous, fetish dressers.

Number one rule, if you HAVE to ask...don't.  Go with how the person presents or use non-gender specific words. There are NOYB questions that sometimes we may not mind answering.  Things of a personal nature...if you wouldn't ask your mom...don't ask me.  Personally I would love to talk to anyone about me or the community, because it is through understanding, falsehoods are dispelled (Gag...did I say that?  Knowing is understanding ok?)

We are not gay, some may be but many aren't.  Semantics I know but women who date men are the same as transwomen who date men. 

In my "blogs" I will cover a myriad of things...off the wall or off the Red Brick Road as it were.  I will sometimes end up in the ditch or dead end.  But don't worry we will "recalculate" 

And please please please comment if you have good or bad comments. (here or on Facebook) Just don't be personal or rude.  I see the world through my eyes.  You are standing elsewhere and that will make things appear differently.  You have life experiences I don't.  If you are trans experience with what trans is...well you may see something I take for granted daily.

Trans-vet refers to my profession.  I am a veterinarian. I am also a veteran of the military.  I don't know how many veterinarians are trans, but I am sure I am not alone.  This can be a blog for later.

BTW there are derogatory and prejudicial words for me and my community.  I may, on occasion, use them (I think they call it taking ownership) but please don't when responding to me unless it is making a point.  

questions?  Answers?  Coffee?</sup>
 

Breadcrumbs

 

Sometimes you just have to comment on little bits and pieces of what's going on.

(1)Preaching to the choir.  That's what I do because those not involved with the LGBT community couldn't care less if we all fell off the edge of the earth.  As someone told me "we all have our crosses to bear".  Good analogy for an April day huh?  The same man who said people worship and claim to aspire to be like carrying a cross and having throngs of people cheer and clap as he went by.  Now versions and interpretations vary on this but there was one man, Simon of Cyrene who helped carry the cross.  Analogous to sharing the burden of a man he didn't really know. He could have been a Jew or could have been a black or could have been both but that should not really matter, except that the man he helped wasn't part of the world he knew.  Again I just ask you to change one word and put your descriptor in it's place.  Your name instead of Simon's would be easy.

Now I fully understand that it may have been that the Roman soldiers FORCED Simon to carry the cross.  Sort of like when  a law takes weight off someone's cross and those who feel themselves above the cross bearer feel that maybe a little of their rights are violated.  Yet the man did it.  It doesn't say anthing about him objecting.  In fact, there are suggestions the man became a follower.

OK now I scared several people who think that helping to bear a cross such as being LGBT will make them a follower.  In a way, yes it will.  It will make you a follower of the man who said "Love thy neighbor as thy self"

So, the image marked (1) above pokes fun at those who think their crosses are equal to others. and then beg off helping because "They already have their crosses to bear".  Remember "He ain't heavy, he's my brother" (which as it would happen, is the slogan of Boy's Town, a Nebraska landmark that should represent the middle American spirit.  Unfortunately, if it does at all, it is taken as "He is my white, straight, Christian brother").

Breadcrumbs for The choir

(2) Shows a good thing.  The whole article is at DenverPost.com transgender-soldier-caught-middle.  But it was FRONT page.  Not buried in the back.  Not hidden with the car ads...front damn page.

People who meet me tell me that the T community isn't marginalized.  That we are free to go and do what we want to do.  That we are protected by the same laws and rules that every 'Merican is protected under (except when we aren't because laws are passed to keep us out of mainstream...I digress...as always). 

In the last 4-5 years, mostly due to administration change and their support of equal rights, the "gay" community has made some advances.  Don't Ask Don't Tell has been taken off the books so gay and lesbian people can serve their country (which they have been doing silently ever since GAY was invented in 1969 in NYC at Stonewall).  Right now (and this could change with the next President or Congress) gay's can be married and enjoy all the physical and monetary rights that straights have abused for years.  They can adopt (sometimes maybe).  They can keep jobs (Sometimes maybe).  They are citizens (Sorta of kinda with caveats in many areas).

The transgender community fell behind. Often actually EXCLUDED from legislation intentionally.  DADT?  Trans are still a "Medical reason for discharge".  The use of public facilities (restrooms and lockers) are restricted.  Just to name two.

But now, because of the President and others like the man in the article the restriction on military service may be lifted.  The right to fight and maybe die for a country that still sees you as "Less" can be yours.  I don't remember any transgender people in my unit in the Army in the middle 70's...OK maybe one but she didn't show it because she would have been discharged, beaten, maybe even KILLED.  So she kept it to herself.  Funny she did her job and no one even suspected.  There were probably more but we (oops let that out didn't I?) didn't even acknowledge it between ourselves.  The article says 15000.  Fifteen THOUSAND serving right now.  Fifteen thousand patriotic Americans who are willing to give up their identity to protect those who pass laws marginalizing them.  I find that amazing.  How heavy is THAT cross?

Please read the article


One more breadcrumb...this one with a twist.
(3) is about a MAN who was in a women's restroom taking photos.  Not a transwoman; a man.  Oh he is not an oddity.  The oddity would be the man dressed as a woman in a women's restroom with bad intent. No this is the norm for sexual predators.  They don't take the time to disguise themselves...they , like Nike, just do it.

Yet this is still a major article for transpersons.  States still trying to pass laws (making OUR cross heavier) because of folklore.  15000 soldiers (see above) and who are the ones who sexually assault their fellow soldiers.  Not the trans...it is usually a man (There maybe cases of women too but they are rare).  The same in the Civvie world.  Transpeople aren't stalkers or perverts any more than the general population.  But we get special laws passed for us.  

Those who ain't in the choir (are there any out there?), please note.  We ( the transgender community which includes far more people than just trassexuals) are not dangerous.  WE aren't perverts.  We are your neighbors, you friends, your firefighter-police-military-medical-everyone you know. 

The man in the article was in the light because he is a pedophile.  Otherwise a man taking pictures of women in a restroom, would not be in the paper...it happens EVERYDAY.  But they are men...not transpeople, just men.  The odd one gets in the paper...so you will be able to say "Yep, only ________'s" are sexual predators.  We aren't.  We are good law abiding people who would risk our lives for you if you needed, without a second thought about "Oh they're straight" or "They are Christian" or they are from Indiana.

Damn  I ran out of bread
.

There a few real truths in life.  One, put best by Jim Morrison, is "No one gets out of here alive".  It is a statement that cannot be denied.  We're not discussing after life here but the body .  Everyone dies.  Now I am in no hurry to reach that point. 

The other is "Life sucks".  Your suckiness may vary but no matter who you are, in some manner, life sucks.  No enough money, not enough love, not enough candy and the big suck...dying.  We all have to put up with that.  It could be a little suck...it could be a great big suck. 

However, one should not have to endure more suckiness than they have heaped on them by life in general.  Making someone else's life suck worse so you can have a life that sucks less, just isn't "cricket" as they say.

I think the United States was founded on the premise life should suck the least for all people.  I guess the other way to say that is "Everyone's life should suck equally."  Right now, some of you are saying "What?"  and I know it is confusing.  But if life has to suck, let it suck the same for everyone.

Here's where I am going with this.  When one passes a law that in some manner makes another less of a citizen.  A different class.  That makes said person's life suck worse.  We agree?  You can't sit there, that is reserved for (add your favorite adjective here) people.  What would happen if they passed a law saying blondes don't deserve jobs?  Or thirty year olds don't deserve love?  Or women should be paid 30% less then men for the equal work?  You would be angered right?  But change the word.  Change thirty year olds to gay.  Is it OK?  Some think it is.  Change blondes to transgendered people.  Meh, that's cool.  They are freaks anyway...says so right in te Bible...somewhere.  Change women to men...all hell would break loose.

But many don't see it.  Elitist or racist or religious fanatics.

Next time someone says "Those______________'s are making the country more sucky"  just change the word to what YOU see in the mirror.  It isn't any fun is it?

(BTW the bible says nothing about transgender people.  Feel free to send me the passage if you can find it)

Mixed feeling.  With new shows on TV and movies showing transpeople I am concerned.  Is it good or is it bad?  Are we just saveur du mois.  The new oddity in life,  Not quite mainstream but just edgy enough to attract a few people who like to say they are liberal. The new riders of the train so to speak.

I am not talking about the friends of LGBT (especially the T) people who have been by our side ofr years.  The ones who were there when we weren't "popular".  The ones who were just as appalled at movies that showed the Trans community as clowns and perverts or mentally deranged.  The friends who walked out of Silence of the Lambs angry at the choice of villain as we were.  The ones who watched A Soldier's Girl with us and empathized.  

Like I said I am conflicted now.  Although still not accepted as I am by most of society, I am finding a strange new conversation breaker.  The old cocktail line was "I have a friend who is like you." Now it is "Did you SEE ____________ last night?"  Good or bad?  I want so deeply to say good.  Maybe like how the Afro-American community felt watching Blacksploitation movies in the 70's?  Knowing that Carl Weathers, Pam Greer and Ron O'neal didn't represent the whole community.  Yet, that's what we saw.  Violent, hyper sexualized, criminal or, if they were a police officer, breaking all the rules.  I didn't know anyone who fit that mold but within months the clothing and the walk and the "lingo" were de rigueur. 

Are we, as transpersons, now in that setting?  With all the new movies and television, are they showing us in the right light or more reinforcing stereotypes?  Jeffery Tambor won an award for Transparent.  I admit I watched and was impressed they didn't make him a supermodel (or hire one).  He portrayed the angst and issues many of us have.  Then the train went down a different track, focusing less on the transition and the transperson per se, but now the dysfunction of the children.  Which could be interpreted as "Dad's changing sexes and were f'd up and it's because our home life was shit.".  At least he was a real person.  But that led to comments like "you would think they could have found someone prettier" and "He looks like a man in a dress".  Sorry but that is real life.  I wish I could be prettier and sexier and have the body of a SI swimsuit model.  I know a lot of people who wish that, and they all aren't trans.  we have to live with what we have and that's usually from 40-50-60 years of living a lie.  Somethings we just cannot change after a certain age.  It is hard to get people to see us in a new light, UN-learn as they say. 

Now, though, there are so many shows and movies who do incorporate "us" into the plot.   (and happily many are using either trans actors or a the very least the correct pre-tx  gender  not a  genetic woman playing a transwoman or a man playing a transman).  I can't help but wonder if we are confusing the general public though.  Shows like RuPaul show Drag Queens in the worst possible light.  Is there enough balance brought by a show like Transparent to show that we are not all overtly  campy and catty entertainers? Before someone goes off the highwire here and says "No one will watch normal people", I agree.  No one wants to see me get up in the morning, feed the cats, have coffee and then stare at a computer screen for hours.  There may be an audience for watching a trans-veterinarian but my skill set wouldn't entertain for long "Oh hi, your dog is puking...try this"  "I am so happy to see fluffy in for her spay". Maybe if I had been out when ER Vets was showing and they could have slipped me in an episode...

The new series (see link below) follows real people.  It should be interesting...if you have the cable channel that is buried deeply in your package. 

 new girls of the block

So, are we the Baskin-Robbins flavor of the week? Or is this our time to break through into society and be accepted as who we are? I hope it is the latter.  When I can walk into any store or restaurant, or yes, even my favorite bar and only attract attention because of my style or my smile or my singing. (yes that was a not so subtle dig at the man who addressed me as "Him" twice the other night.  You can call me Lori, you can call me Lorileah, you can call me miss, or ma'am.  You can refer to me as she or her.  I will even let a slip go on the old gender, but intentionally calling me him because you don't like what I am...) Then maybe the next step will be where the Trans community can get and keep jobs, can serve their country, can live as the productive citizens they are.  It worked so well because of Christy Love and Shaft movies...

A little off topic here but I am also experiencing the "You all look alike to me" and the "Well you MUST know________" syndromes.  I get mistaken frequently for other Transwomen (some TS most not) and while I may find it flattering they at least KNOW another Trans,I don't look like most of them (assuming I know them at all which addresses the other point).  We don't have a secret club or church or meeting place where we all go.  The other day at a golf course (and to be totally fair, the two people in the pro-shop were very respectful and kind) and was looking at the sale rack after buying my range pass (ok you can wake up the description of all this is over).  The woman pro was talking and probably for the first time in my life I wasn't eavesdropping, when I heard "Do you know______"  I didn't hear the name and I assumed she was talking to her co-worker.  Then she said it again "Excuse me, do you know Daphne?"   I looked up and said "Are you asking me?"  She said she was and repeated the name again.  I said I didn't know her.  She replied "Oh thought you might since you two are the same."  I hope she meant great style and absolutely marvelous golfer...: